Wife In Pain

Dec 30, 2008 by

Father, I feel my husband’s pain. I live with his anger, discouragement, and depression every day. Why is this happening to us, to him, and to me? I feel like a ship out on the open sea in a storm, without a rudder or power to get back to shore. I don’t know what to do except cry out to you, day and night. I’m looking for the answer that you will give.

I thank you, Lord, that you are here for me. I don’t always feel you are close. I feel abandoned by my husband, my friends, my church, and even my family. But I know you are here. I know you experienced the feelings of betrayal and rejection during your darkest hour on this earth. You know exactly how I feel at this moment.

Lord Jesus, I give you thanks that I can experience your sufferings. I don’t like it, but I know this is changing me for eternity. You brought us together and it is your will that we work out our salvation together. We are learning in a very practical way what “..for better or for worse” really means. May the words of I Corinthians 13 really come true in me. That will have to be You because I don’t have the power to live that kind of love out myself. Thank you for your love that never fails!

Gracious God, I need your presence as never before. I ask you to give me wisdom to speak humbly and gently so that my husband will receive the words and not lash out at me, too. He needs me as his friend so very much but he keeps pushing me away. Lord, let me be your tender touch of grace to him and let me be your voice of compassion to him. I ask you to fill me with a fresh flow of your love that will cover a multitude of sins, his and mine. We want to be restored, Lord. Thank you for every morsel of forgiveness and grace that you pour into this situation. You are the answer, Lord, and I love you!

Praying the Scriptures . . .

I am in pain and distress;
may your salvation, O God, protect me. (Psa. 69:29 NIV)

For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. (I Peter 2:19-21 NIV)

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. (Rev. 21:4 NIV)

I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. I will make those who are of the synagogue of Satan, who claim to be Jews though they are not, but are liars I will make them come and fall down at your feet and acknowledge that I have loved you. Since you have kept my command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come upon the whole world to test those who live on the earth. (Rev. 3:8-10 NIV)

My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psa.62:1-2 NIV)

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matt.11:28-30 NIV

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  1. Yolanda

    I also understand and can relate to many of the comments. I have been in the ministry with my husband for 15yrs and i have felt alone. I love the Lord with all my heart and soul. My purpose is to stand beside my husband in the ministry. But i am about to lose my mind because of the mininstry?????(help me Jesus). thank you all for the openness you have. I am not alone. What a Blessing…..

  2. Jackie

    Lonely, ready to leave, tired, a professional wife,  and I have been at this for 27 years.  Viewed as the perfect family. If everyone knew how I really felt.  I have no one to bear my heart to. It is heavy.  As much as I believe in Christ and have always taken care of the world iincluding my own,  I wander where I went wrong to feel so low.  If I thought running away would solve my hurts, loneliness and emptiness,  I would run until I couldn’t go any further. How could I feel both love and hate toward my husband when I never thought in a million years a woman could have two distinct feelings come out of her soul towards a Godly man that everyone thinks is perfect. What is wrong with me? Please pray for me that I remain. Most of all can God forgive these feelings toward my husband that I feel.

  3. Have you ever wondered how you could help those who are less fortunate than you?

  4. Mary

    If anyone is still reading this thread, please pray for me. My pastor husband has been so emotionally abused by a church that he is asking for a divorce because he just can’t feel anything anymore. Rather than leave the ministry, he plans to leave his family. I am so hurt, I have supported him in his call for 23 years. Please, please pray for me, for him, and for our family. 

  5. Sincere Heart

    Mary, know that I am lifting you up in prayer, even as I type this message. You are NOT alone. God feels your every pain and counts your every tear. I’m praying for inner healing, both for your husband, and for you as well. I’m also lifting your family up in prayer!

  6. My husband has been a pastor for more than twenty seven years and we have been married for thirty eight years. I feel like a third wheel at the church where he serve. He give respect, accolades and praise to everyone in the church with whom he in in communication with. He have favorites in the church and one woman in particular I feel she have to much access to him. She can call at ant time she pleases day or night, while we are on vacation or  whatever, she and her family have access to him. People consider them the second family this lady boldly tells people you “know people say I’m sleeping with the pastor” or “I’m going with the pastor.” I feel he is disrespectful and she is as well. I also feel like he should not have this type of relationship with her because no one else in the church have this type of contact with him. I don’t make a scene about anything because I don’t want the devil to feel like he have any glory or power in this area of our life. I also believe he is NOT sleeping with her. She is messy and her whole family is awfully messy, I do feel he uses her to get the goods on everyone else in the church, but I still don’t like it. Thank you for this site so as pastors wives we can vent and share. 

  7. primrose

    This site has good information and love the prayer.  I hope more people support this. Stay strong my Sister friends be Immovable. Your Adversary wants to eat you alive so keep your guard up who is, Jesus Christ, our Redeemer. Boasting in the name of Christ for His GLORY.

  8. Connie Brandel

    I wrote a response here four years ago and this thread is still going on. It amazes me how much pain there is out there. Please pray for me as I continue to try to write my book. God has been so gracious to relieve me of my bitterness and given me a perspective that I believe is needed. Praise God for His grace in my life! If the moderator of this site would allow anyone to respond, I would love to send a questionnaire to anyone willing to respond to give input for my book. Send inquiries to dbrandel@iglide.net. The book is over half finished and progressing nicely now that I’ve been able to quit my other job. There is hope for overcoming and hope for the pain and hope for the burn-out. Pressing on….

  9. Madhusoodhanan

    God is an energy, It isto use not a shape or not veseble all people. This energy you can use anywere in your life.This is true value of the god.God like only use it everywere you want.It dont like prayer, It like LOVE only. You love it allwase,every time, anywere it presents you feel.Onece You feel It prsents in life ,then you are the Winner of the Universe.Now you achive your life. So you try it , who is GOD , Were is GOD and Who am I ????????

  10. My husband has pastored churches from east to west in the US and also in Canada. We have been in this same place. I am ready to publish a book that may help pastor’s wives and we do counseling in MN and IA for hurting ministry people.

  11. Melanie Headley

    Diane, I’m very interested in where you council in Mn? I have been a pastors wife for nearly 10years now and have felt like there has been a mistress in our marriage for years. My husband is wanting to leave me because he believes I’ve cheated on him and doesn’t trust me. He has just recently told me that he hasn’t trusted me for years. We have a very long history together(been together for 21yrs) and have been made new in Christ years ago however he wishes he would have divorced me years ago.

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