Father, help me to rest in Jesus spirit. Help me to feel and experience your unconditional love. Let me not get caught up in the trap of trying to earn your love. I have come to understand it is only at those times I truly trust in your love that I am free. Any time I doubt or feel that you have rejected me like people do, and I am back to human struggling. At those times, please Holy Spirit, remind me that Father’s love is unconditional. I can do nothing to make Him love me any more than he already does. Help me to remember and fully trust that eternal truth. The weekend is coming again, Jesus, and I am going to trust in your grace and Father’s love to see me through. No matter what happens this weekend, Lord Jesus, let me bathe and walk in Father’s love. Let that trust in Father’s love strengthen me and change me from the inside out. Thank you Jesus, in your own great name we pray! Amen!

I have tried, and tried to inspire zeal into the church, but many are consumed with their politics, cell phones, money issues, and sports commitments. You, Lord, seem to fit in only if they have time for you - or need for you at the moment.  Why is the present generation so distracted by toys and worldliness?

Help us, Lord. The church needs you to step in and stir the pot! We need you to help all of us to seek your face with all our being.  Come Lord Jesus, come. And please help all of us who are weeping over the decline of your people in this modern age. Thank you, Jesus. Amen

“Midway this life we’re bound upon,
I woke to find myself in a dark wood,
where the right road was wholly lost and gone.”

The Divine Comedy-Canto I- Dante

Dante’s words ring true to me when I remember my experience with burnout. At the time I was the Pastor at the same Baptist church for over twenty years. My wife and I have three sons who were all teens back then. I had several pressures at this time. The church had grown in numbers as had the Christian day school on campus. This led to a major building program to renovate and expand the small 200 year old building we called home.

It was decided to get a loan for the entire project, big bucks. The growth of the ministry was in some measure due to our embrace of the Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings that had started in the church. This brought in many wounded folks looking for healing and I found myself counseling for many hours a week. Our oldest son, we found was addicted to alcohol and drugs. I kept this as a private matter, I realize now it was a mistake, I should have opened up about it to the Body. My wife was devastated by this and her emotional state was a concern as well.

We had moved out of the parsonage on the promise from a member who was a builder that he would build us a new house. The housing market collapsed shortly there after and he went bankrupt and we ended up living in rented homes as the parsonage was rented out to accommodate our situation.

We had moved back into the parsonage that was across the parking lot from the church building. I was walking across the parking lot to the parsonage when the thought came as clear as day, “I can’t do this anymore.”

It was not a passing thought or the result of a bad day. It was a profound realization of an inward condition that was present and not going away. It was frightening. My livelihood, home, social contacts were all tied up in this place and position. I had been doing this since my late twenties, what else could I do? Initially I thought of moving to another church position. I then realized I had no idea of how to do that, later I knew I had neither the energy nor the will to pursue it.

As time went on I withdrew into myself. I would at times curl in a fetal position on my bed for a time. I wrote a lot of poetry back then and pursued writing and producing Christian plays with someone who shared this interest. I found myself avoiding the church and where I had been quick to fellowship after service now I would withdraw immediately after preaching to the house. I didn’t understand what was happening to me.

It was a bittersweet experience. I was getting in touch with a lot of stuff I had stuffed for years of people pleasing. I was coming to a place where I didn’t care anymore and it was very liberating. With this detachment I began to experience the Lord and myself in new ways. I began to pursue the answers to questions it’s not safe to ask in the ministry. And a fearlessness grew up inside of me through it all. It was a transforming experience.

Months later I asked the Lord, “What’s been happening to me?” He said it was burnout and I wrote about eight handwritten pages as to what that meant. The essence of which is: We have a finite amount of what I’ll call psychic energy. We give this out in our active relationships. In reciprocal relationships it comes back to us in equal or greater amounts. In nonreciprocal relationships it just goes out. When the outtake exceeds the intake we’re starting to burnout. At a certain point we’ll begin to realize it like the low gas light in a car. We can then run on an emergency supply for awhile but eventually you run out.

This happened about fourteen years ago. I found the grace of God in a new way. I have pastored a house church, developed and run a Teen Wilderness program for at risk kids. Worked for a radio station and I’ve been the pastor of the church here for over five years. I’m still happily married to my bride and all my sons are healthy and doing well. If this might encourage someone along the way it’s my joy and privilege and Glory to God for His grace.

I find so much more peace and closeness to you when I sit in my lawn chair under the shade tree and talk with you and hear your word in scripture. Perhaps I have expected too much from church and people? Perhaps the many decades have taken their toll and all I want is you, and no more bull. No more gossip. No more churchianity. No more politics. No more service projects my mind and body can’t live up to. Father, help me. Above all things, help to seek you, and have your love, mercy, and compassion for all people. Thank you Jesus! AMEN!

Father, it is in the name of Jesus, my savior, I come to you and thank you for being the God of love. Thank you for being love itself, and mercy and kindness and grace. Father I am coming to understand some of my burnout problem is my doing in expecting too much of others and imposing my will on the congregation. Much of the time I was not aware of pushing my will. I just thought I was a zealous leader. Lord, I now realize I need to put my will to death and let your will reign in the church and in my heart personally. When your will rules me, I am always satisfied with what you are doing in each person’s life. I don’t put pressure on others and I allow them to be a work in progress. Help me, Lord to crucify my will, ambitions, and selfish needs, and allow your will to flow in me like a life-giving river, flowing out to others. I repent of having my ambitions thrust upon the church and individuals, and I ask you to help me forgive myself for this subtle expression of self-will. Let your will be done in my life, the church, and on the earth as it is in heaven. I love you, Jesus!

Praying the Scriptures . . .

your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven. (Matt. 6:10 NIV)

He went away a second time and prayed, My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done. (Matt. 26:42 NIV)

Why do I feel like such a failure? I know in your eyes I have always tried to serve faithfully and honestly. I know in your eyes, my heart is pure and I have done the best job I could with the gifts I have. I know you will never leave me or forsake me. Lord, thank you for being who you are and what you are, a God of love.

Take my life now Lord, what’s left of it, and use it more and more for the glory of your Kingdom. I am yours. If man rejects me, fine. It’s you, Lord, I want to please and serve. Thank you for laying out your plans for me, and allowing me to be a tool in your hands for the Kingdom’s sake. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord. I love you, Jesus.

Praying the Scriptures . . .

. . . “surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matt. 28:20 NIV)

My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. (Psa.119:28 NIV)

My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psa.62:1-2 NIV)

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matt.11:28-30 NIV)

I thank you, Lord, that you are here for me. I don’t always feel you are close. I feel abandoned by my husband, my friends, my church, and even my family. But I know you are here. I know you experienced the feelings of betrayal and rejection during your darkest hour on this earth. You know exactly how I feel at this moment.

Lord Jesus, I give you thanks that I can experience your sufferings. I don’t like it, but I know this is changing me for eternity. You brought us together and it is your will that we work out our salvation together. We are learning in a very practical way what “..for better or for worse” really means. May the words of I Corinthians 13 really come true in me. That will have to be You because I don’t have the power to live that kind of love out myself. Thank you for your love that never fails!

Gracious God, I need your presence as never before. I ask you to give me wisdom to speak humbly and gently so that my husband will receive the words and not lash out at me, too. He needs me as his friend so very much but he keeps pushing me away. Lord, let me be your tender touch of grace to him and let me be your voice of compassion to him. I ask you to fill me with a fresh flow of your love that will cover a multitude of sins, his and mine. We want to be restored, Lord. Thank you for every morsel of forgiveness and grace that you pour into this situation. You are the answer, Lord, and I love you!

Praying the Scriptures . . .

I am in pain and distress;
may your salvation, O God, protect me. (Psa. 69:29 NIV)

For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. (I Peter 2:19-21 NIV)

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. (Rev. 21:4 NIV)

I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. I will make those who are of the synagogue of Satan, who claim to be Jews though they are not, but are liars I will make them come and fall down at your feet and acknowledge that I have loved you. Since you have kept my command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come upon the whole world to test those who live on the earth. (Rev. 3:8-10 NIV)

My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psa.62:1-2 NIV)

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matt.11:28-30 NIV