Although there are several reason why ministry leaders burn-out, one of the most common is weariness in dealing with difficult people. Working with the human heart and spirit is challenging to say the least. It is also rather unpredictable. The counsel or reasoning you used on one person may not work at all on the next person. A congregation of two hundred people will have three hundred opinions or agendas.  As the years roll by, leaders with the strongest of temperaments can become weary.

At one point Jesus looked at his disciples and said, “Oh you of little faith, how long do I have to put up with you?”  Any of us, including the Son of Man, can become weary with human stubbornness. You are not alone.

From a Tree of Life view point, what can we do to cope?  Here are some suggestions, and I would love to hear more from you and what you have learned so we can add to our list.

(A)  First, let’s make sure you and I are not one of the “difficult” people. Stated another way, let’s make sure we have crucified the self daily and continue to work on it with the Holy Spirit’s strength. The more we can get out of the way, the more the Emmanuel agenda can unfold. Our own agenda often can mean trouble and conflict with others. They have their agenda too. 

Ideally, a church is made up of children of God that have died to self. They are a group who gather to practice the community we see in the Triune Godhead. Church should be a community that spends its life glorifying, praising, encouraging, exalting and inspiring one another.  In the Godhead we see the example for all relationships.  Father, Son and Holy Spirit uplift one another to the point they are “one.”  Jesus prayed that we the church could be one as they are one. Believer’s meetings should be the most exciting and positive experiences of our week, not something that puts a knot in your intestines.

The human reality is, self, is our biggest stumbling block.  The people of God need to learn well, that following Jesus means dying to self. North American Christianity often teaches the opposite.

When you and I can live as totally crucified servants of Jesus, He will work powerfully through us. Under those circumstances, when others find fault with us, they are really finding fault with Jesus.

(B) Preach and teach Jesus, the all in all.  When we stick to talking about Jesus it does become harder for the difficult people to find fault with what we are teaching. Jesus is the Kingdom, the way, the truth, the Sabbath, the King of Kings, etc, etc, etc.  When we get off onto some pet doctrine or viewpoint we should not be upset when someone comes along and challenges us on the direction we are taking the congregation. Preach and teach Jesus! Jesus is the biggest and most exciting topic in the galaxy!

(C) Be a teachable listener.  If you are willing to listen long when people are explaining their point of view, you may win over more people than you think. People want to be heard. It makes them feel like they do have some ownership in the congregation. 

(D) Like Jesus, ask questions – challenge the difficult people.  Throw the ball back in their court. Put them in a place where they need to be part of the solution, not part of the problem – or they need to let it go.

(E) Refuse to be defensive.  Don’t take things personally. People are often upset about something that may have nothing to do with you. It may be a denominational viewpoint, or an opinion that makes little difference.  Preach Jesus, teach Jesus, talk Jesus, show love to all, and don’t take the critics personally. The church belongs to Jesus, not us.

(F) Refuse to engage in arguments. It takes two to make a fight. Learn how to disengage and explain you will only continue this discussion in a tree of life atmosphere.  Walk away from people whose sole purpose is to argue rather than hear another viewpoint.

(G) Smile and touch.  Always be respectful. Always smile and reach out and place a hand on a shoulder.  Life overcomes death. Light overcomes darkness.  It is hard for a difficult person to continue being a pain when you are smiling and squeezing their shoulder and maintaining your warm kind eye contact.   A gentle answer turns away wrath.

(H)  Have well trained “helpers” as a part of your leadership team. These are people who know how stressful your service to people is, and they do what they can to support you emotionally and physically by being trouble shooters that befriend and love-on the difficult people of the congregation. Moses could not do it all, and his father-in-law had to help him understand how to spread the load.

(I) Come hell or high water, try to end every conversation with difficult people by speaking a final life-giving sentence into the very spirit of the person while you give their shoulder one last squeeze.  Father, Son and Holy Spirit live out this loving community continuously. It is the Kingdom thing to do. 

(J) Remember, the religious establishment spit in Jesus’ face.  When it happens to you, try to see it as an honor to experience the sufferings of our King!

Please add any more suggestions you have in the comments section below. May Father bless you all with peace of mind, heart and spirit!

By Pastor Perry Noble   www.newspring.cc

#1 – They feel like have something to prove…and so instead of becoming obsessed with God’s greatness they become obsessed with their own.

#2 – They have a hard time accepting Gods grace…thus throwing themselves into an achievement based mentality.  They think the more they accomplish the more God loves them – despite what is written in Ephesians 2:8-9

#3 – They feel like rest is sin…despite the LONGEST command in the 10 commandments being the one on rest!  (Leaders…Isaiah 30:15…READ IT NOW!!!)

#4 – They do not trust the leaders around them…thus they feel like they need to do it all.  (We were not called to do life and ministry alone!)

#5 – They are unwilling to ask for help…thinking that doing so is a sign of weakness, when in actuality it is a sign of strength!

#6 – They fear man way more than they fear God…thus becoming obsessed with “their” expectations rather than HIS!  (SEE Proverbs 29:25)

#7 – An unwillingness to repent of sin…instead of doing so they become obsessed with pointing out the sins of others!

#8 – They do not allow their identity to be established in Christ but rather in how many people they having attending/giving to their church/ministry.

#9 – They refuse to care for their own family and begin to recite the ridiculously stupid phrase, “I take care of the church and God will take care of my family.”  Dude…the church is HIS bride, not yours!!!

#10 – They get consumed with fighting the wrong battles.  Christian leaders fight over the most ridiculous things…and doing so ALWAYS drains the life out of them!  We should fight for what Jesus fought for–period–and leave the rest alone.

Jesus taught the disciples to seat people in rows (ushering), then taught them to hand out baskets of fish and bread (waitressing) and then he taught them how to clean up the whole meal and retrieve the baskets (bus-boy). If that is the training for the twelve guys who will sit on the twelve thrones over the twelve tribes, maybe there is a bright future for you cleaning houses.

Kathy and I use house and office cleaning in conjunction with our window cleaning business. In window cleaning, especially in winter, you have a lot of rain outs. So we mix house/office cleaning with window cleaning and the two seem to work well together. True, there is more money in window cleaning, and I personally do not get as tired window cleaning as house cleaning. Pushing a vac for two hours is far more tiring than climbing a ladder – but that is my opinion.

Again, just like window cleaning, DO NOT TARGET the middle class. They will want you to clean their house for next to nothing. Middle class people like to think like rich people and have house cleaners, yard maintenance etc, but they do not have the funds to support such dreams. Target upscale wealthy neighborhoods. House cleaning is hard work, people. Do not give an estimate based on anything less than $20.00 per hour. We have several large homes that take 2.5 to 3 hours to clean. For that we charge $100.00 - that is for two people.

From our wealthy house cleaning clients, we have been given office cleaning. When they are please with what you do to maintain their home, they ask you to clean their business for them. This is evening work, and will dove-tail well with daytime window cleaning.

Try and set clients up for a bi-weekly cleaning. Office cleaning is usually weekly. The first cleaning is the hardest, just like window cleaning. Once the house/office is clean, and you are just maintaining it, the job will get easier.

Believe in yourself – you have been house cleaning all your life! Now, with confidence, you can get paid for it. We knew a lady in Colorado Springs who had a master’s degree in speech therapy, but gave it all up and joined her friend in a house cleaning business – there was way more money in cleaning the houses of the wealthy. Questions: call Kim at 918-919-1490.

Don’t be afraid to work with your hands! Many of you are not, but I have met some pastors that think this is below their dignity! Jesus and Paul both worked with their hands. Many find working with their hands a great therapy for the emotional and spiritual abuse they have experienced.

Start up costs:

Minimal compared to other businesses. Chances are you already own a ladder or two. You will need a bucket, a window mop, a good quality squeegee, a bottle of Dawn Dish Soap, some old rags, a window razor from Wal Mart, a medium stiff brush to use on screens. This will get you started. In time you will want different sizes of squeegees, extension poles, different sizes of window razors, a belt with a squeegee holder and a towel holder. If you are middle aged or older, you probably do not want to wash any windows higher than second story. Most of the time a 20 foot extension ladder will do. In a few cases you may need a 28 foot ladder. A six foot step ladder and a two step stool are also super helpful. If you already own an extension ladder your start up costs could be as little as $200.00 or less. I buy my supplies from www.squeegees.net

How much do I charge?

You will need to contact a few window cleaners in your state to see what the going rate is. When I ran our window company in Colorado Springs in 2002-3, the going rate was $1.30 per surface. I now live in one of the lowest cost of living areas in America and I only can charge about $1.10 a surface – in 2010! What do I mean by “per surface” – example – a sliding glass door. The door is glass with a mental frame around it. Each side of the door has one surface. One on the outside, one on the inside. Where I now live I charge $2.20 to wash that door, and it takes less than two minutes. If the door has a baked on film of grime and hasn’t been washed for ten years, then both sides of the door are wetted down, then scrapped every inch with a glass razor, then wetted down again with the window mop, and then squeegee off – ten minutes max, for $2.20. Now, French Doors are another story – from hell, ha, ha! All those tiny little squares of glass, each with a frame around it – Rrrrrrrr! I charge a minimum of $5.00 per door. If they are well maintained you can simply “wet rag, dry rag” them quickly, or you can use a tiny squeegee, but you will still have to rag around the window to get the water in those #*@ little corners. Charge $5 minimum and more if you can get it. Most French doors come in pares, so that’s $10 per set.

Remember, when we talk about surfaces we do not mean windows! We mean surfaces. Each piece of glass surrounded by a frame of some kind. Most windows have from two to twenty surfaces. Also, remember, if some of the surfaces are huge – like a feature window in a living room, count it as double.

The very first time you wash a house or business it will take you twice as long as your future washes. Any time you need to use your window razor the pace slows. I have some houses I wash every three months – never touch the razor, just mop and squeegee. On those houses I can average anywhere from $30 to $50 per hour, depending on the ladder work. The same house the first time I wash it may only work out to $20 per hour.

Older houses with storm windows can pay a lot because of double the surfaces, but you have the hassle of disassembling the window and re-assembling. Many window cleaners will not take customers with storm windows.

Where do I start?

Get the basic equipment, and practice on your own house – your wife will be in a state of shock! You don’t have to work fast, just efficiently. Learn the basic squeegee methods, and some of the tricks of the trade – like removing tar or bricklayer’s cement off the glass. Call me and ask if you can’t find a book on the subject.

Next go down to City hall and inquire if you need a license. Most cities do not require a license, especially if you specialize in residential homes. Business insurance for a one man window company is about $55. a month. And, get this, it does not cover broken windows – ha, ha! (And you thought the Mafia were the only ones involved in racketeering!) The insurance covers everything except the window. Since you are a window “expert” as a cleaner of windows, the insurance company puts that responsibility on you. I personally have never broken a window ever. If your ladder slides across the siding and does damage, the insurance will cover that – as well as all the blood you leave on the lawn where you fell off the ladder.

Next – get your name out there! The phone book is expensive, and it will not come out for several more months. Even newspaper ads can get expensive. I have built two successful window cleaning companies with fliers. If you can design your own flier and get it copied by a friends business or some other cheap way, then you can get out there in a very up-scale neighborhood. I have consistently obtained two or three customers for every 100 fliers I have delivered. Sometimes, more than that. But, remember this, once you have a customer, you re-schedule that customer for an exterior touch-up or a full inside/outside wash again in six months. Don’t be discouraged by response time to your fliers. I have been as close as three houses further down the block delivering fliers and had a lady call my cell and ask for an estimate. On the other hand, I have gone to wash homes where a three year old flier was sitting on the kitchen table. They kept all my info and they became steady customers after that, every six months like clock work!

Up-Scale neighborhoods – need I say this – target people with money! The middle class work hard for their money, and they have little to give to you. Many would rather live with windows so dirty they can’t see through them. People with money live in houses big enough they need house cleaners and window cleaners. They also have the money to pay and appreciate a good job! Kathy and I try to make a minimum of $200.00 a day. Some days it’s around a $100. And other days we make $300. to $375.00.

If you consider this form of employment, feel free to call Kim at 918-919-1490 and ask any questions you have. Window cleaning is a great business, and is needed. Even in cities that have many window cleaners, often there is room for more. Just think how many thousands of square miles of glass there are in a modern city! Glass everywhere, up and down every street, on every building, and somebody has to clean it!

For others, the day has come when you can not stomach an institutional church again. Something very deep in your spirit tells you this really isn’t a good represetation of Jesus on this earth. After all these years of serving and sacrificing, you see little for all that effort and giving. You may be weary of the politics, human culture and humanism that has infected the church over tha last two thousand years.

House Church:For some of you, the house church may be the answer - maybe! Maybe not! Yes, in the current world-wide house church movement more than 120,000,000 people participate. But if you approach house church in the same manner as institutional church, you will have the same issues, and nothing will change. The experience that is the community of the Triune Godhead will still be absent.

For more info on house churches check out the following links:

Tree of Life House Church Network - TOLHCN.COM Great info on doing house church. Questions - call Kim at 918-919-1490.

Frank Viola and his ministry - www.ptmin.org Lot’s of good books helping you understand the institutional church and house churches.

Wayne Jacobsen and Lifestream - www.lifestream.org  You need to know God still loves you. This site will change your life.

Gene Edwards Ministry - geneedwards.com  If you have never read A Tale of Three Kings, The prisoner in the third cell - you need to now! I mean NOW! 

This is a start and we will add more in time. Your help in developing these pages is much appreciated. Father’s blessings upon you!

You probably never expected to find yourself here, unemployed by church termination or resigned with a case of - “I never thought the ministry was like this.” You are not alone. If you have read our web site you know 1,000 to 1,500 church leaders a month, every month, step away from their posts. On this page we hope to give you some very basic advice. Since so many of you will read this material in different states of emotional turmoil, the value of the material will vary for each person.

EDUCATION

Never say never! Yes, you may now be middle aged with teens, and debts. But it may not be too late to go back to school! For some of you, it may not work out, but for others many Government programs will help pay your way. For some who wish to remain in a helping field, becoming a certified life-coach may be a possibility. If you consider coaching or a counseling position (Master’s degree), remember you will be entering back into a field that works with the human spirit and heart. For a few of you, that would not be a good direction.

Since the average burnout point in pastoring is between 22 and 27 years, many of you will feel there is nothing else you can do for employment. That simply is not true. One of the reasons you feel disillusioned is because you have anchored yourself to some illusions. Now it is time to live in truth, and the truth is you can do many different jobs or careers. I do not know the exact stat, but I have read somewhere that ten years after graduation, something like 50% or more of college grads are working in a field other than their university major or degree. May I suggest, since I know only too well, that ministry continues after termination, it is my suggestion you seriously consider doing a job or business you dreamed of perhaps, if you were never in ministry. What I am saying is, you do not need to feel guilty for not working full-time in paid ministry. You have years of experience, and Father will use you whenever He needs you, so relax, and do something perhaps you have always dreamed about.

At one point in time I studied for and passed with a very high grade, the Canadian Mutual Funds Advisers Course to be a mutual fund rep. I sometimes wonder if I should have done that, and enjoyed ministry as a gift-driven sideline.

Below are links to pages with suggestions for temporary or even permanent employment.

• Window Washing Company - $100 to $300 per day
• House Cleaning - $80 to $160 per day
]]> http://smolderingwickministries.org/2010/05/how-do-i-earn-a-living-now/feed/ http://smolderingwickministries.org/2009/09/trusting-fathers-love/ http://smolderingwickministries.org/2009/09/trusting-fathers-love/#comments Wed, 30 Sep 2009 15:49:15 +0000 kimwenzel http://smolderingwickministries.org/?p=495 Father, I honestly don’t feel very free right now. I hurt from rejection and disillusion. I never thought the church would wound me this bad. I know you love me, but I feel trapped in my own pain.

 

Father, help me to rest in Jesus spirit. Help me to feel and experience your unconditional love. Let me not get caught up in the trap of trying to earn your love. I have come to understand it is only at those times I truly trust in your love that I am free. Any time I doubt or feel that you have rejected me like people do, and I am back to human struggling. At those times, please Holy Spirit, remind me that Father’s love is unconditional. I can do nothing to make Him love me any more than he already does. Help me to remember and fully trust that eternal truth. The weekend is coming again, Jesus, and I am going to trust in your grace and Father’s love to see me through. No matter what happens this weekend, Lord Jesus, let me bathe and walk in Father’s love. Let that trust in Father’s love strengthen me and change me from the inside out. Thank you Jesus, in your own great name we pray! Amen!

]]> http://smolderingwickministries.org/2009/09/trusting-fathers-love/feed/ http://smolderingwickministries.org/2009/09/help-us-with-your-love-father/ http://smolderingwickministries.org/2009/09/help-us-with-your-love-father/#comments Wed, 30 Sep 2009 15:45:21 +0000 kimwenzel http://smolderingwickministries.org/?p=492

Father in heaven, the most high. Father we thank you for the many different ways you show us your unconditional love. Yes, it is true that at times we doubt, and at times we feel you are withholding your love, but deep in our hearts and spirit we know that is not true. We really do know that in the final reality you are the only one that will not withhold love. Your care and concern for us goes far beyond our understanding, and we want your love to touch us in the most tangible ways.

 

Help us Jesus to feel Father’s love. Help us to see it with our eyes, and sense His love with our spirit. As this week progresses, we look for your love in each and every day. Help us to express our love for you, in praise and worship and a thousand other ways. Thank you Lord! Amen

]]> http://smolderingwickministries.org/2009/09/help-us-with-your-love-father/feed/ http://smolderingwickministries.org/2009/09/no-one-seems-to-care-lord/ http://smolderingwickministries.org/2009/09/no-one-seems-to-care-lord/#comments Tue, 01 Sep 2009 21:59:43 +0000 kimwenzel http://smolderingwickministries.org/?p=490 No One Seems To Care, Lord!

I have tried, and tried to inspire zeal into the church, but many are consumed with their politics, cell phones, money issues, and sports commitments. You, Lord, seem to fit in only if they have time for you - or need for you at the moment.  Why is the present generation so distracted by toys and worldliness?

Help us, Lord. The church needs you to step in and stir the pot! We need you to help all of us to seek your face with all our being.  Come Lord Jesus, come. And please help all of us who are weeping over the decline of your people in this modern age. Thank you, Jesus. Amen

]]> http://smolderingwickministries.org/2009/09/no-one-seems-to-care-lord/feed/ http://smolderingwickministries.org/2009/01/one-mans-story/ http://smolderingwickministries.org/2009/01/one-mans-story/#comments Fri, 30 Jan 2009 18:47:20 +0000 kimwenzel http://smolderingwickministries.org/?p=479

“Midway this life we’re bound upon,
I woke to find myself in a dark wood,
where the right road was wholly lost and gone.”

The Divine Comedy-Canto I- Dante

Dante’s words ring true to me when I remember my experience with burnout. At the time I was the Pastor at the same Baptist church for over twenty years. My wife and I have three sons who were all teens back then. I had several pressures at this time. The church had grown in numbers as had the Christian day school on campus. This led to a major building program to renovate and expand the small 200 year old building we called home.

It was decided to get a loan for the entire project, big bucks. The growth of the ministry was in some measure due to our embrace of the Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings that had started in the church. This brought in many wounded folks looking for healing and I found myself counseling for many hours a week. Our oldest son, we found was addicted to alcohol and drugs. I kept this as a private matter, I realize now it was a mistake, I should have opened up about it to the Body. My wife was devastated by this and her emotional state was a concern as well.

We had moved out of the parsonage on the promise from a member who was a builder that he would build us a new house. The housing market collapsed shortly there after and he went bankrupt and we ended up living in rented homes as the parsonage was rented out to accommodate our situation.

We had moved back into the parsonage that was across the parking lot from the church building. I was walking across the parking lot to the parsonage when the thought came as clear as day, “I can’t do this anymore.”

It was not a passing thought or the result of a bad day. It was a profound realization of an inward condition that was present and not going away. It was frightening. My livelihood, home, social contacts were all tied up in this place and position. I had been doing this since my late twenties, what else could I do? Initially I thought of moving to another church position. I then realized I had no idea of how to do that, later I knew I had neither the energy nor the will to pursue it.

As time went on I withdrew into myself. I would at times curl in a fetal position on my bed for a time. I wrote a lot of poetry back then and pursued writing and producing Christian plays with someone who shared this interest. I found myself avoiding the church and where I had been quick to fellowship after service now I would withdraw immediately after preaching to the house. I didn’t understand what was happening to me.

It was a bittersweet experience. I was getting in touch with a lot of stuff I had stuffed for years of people pleasing. I was coming to a place where I didn’t care anymore and it was very liberating. With this detachment I began to experience the Lord and myself in new ways. I began to pursue the answers to questions it’s not safe to ask in the ministry. And a fearlessness grew up inside of me through it all. It was a transforming experience.

Months later I asked the Lord, “What’s been happening to me?” He said it was burnout and I wrote about eight handwritten pages as to what that meant. The essence of which is: We have a finite amount of what I’ll call psychic energy. We give this out in our active relationships. In reciprocal relationships it comes back to us in equal or greater amounts. In nonreciprocal relationships it just goes out. When the outtake exceeds the intake we’re starting to burnout. At a certain point we’ll begin to realize it like the low gas light in a car. We can then run on an emergency supply for awhile but eventually you run out.

This happened about fourteen years ago. I found the grace of God in a new way. I have pastored a house church, developed and run a Teen Wilderness program for at risk kids. Worked for a radio station and I’ve been the pastor of the church here for over five years. I’m still happily married to my bride and all my sons are healthy and doing well. If this might encourage someone along the way it’s my joy and privilege and Glory to God for His grace.

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