Comments for Smoldering Wick Ministries

Comment on Godliness, Value, Burnout by skennes

skennes — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 12:59:21 +0000

welcome to kenyaand work with us ,pray for us .thanks yours pastor skennes

Comment on Wife In Pain by Ruth Reitmeyer

Ruth Reitmeyer — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 15:33:46 +0000

Wina, I’ll be praying for you. I had the same conversation with my husband several years ago. In fact, I went to work crying, because I was seriously thinking of leaving my husband. I just couldn’t take it any more. My husband and I had a long talk and basically told him that I loved him, but couldn’t stand by to see what was happening to him, which was affecting me. Fortunately, that became a wake up call. I still am figuring out how I fit in as a pastor’s wive after almost 25 years. However, I have tried to make friends outside of the church and have a full-time job now, which limits me to what I will do in the church. The best advice I can offer..don’t become someone you are not. You need to keep your laughter and keep working with the youth, if that’s what fills you. These are the gifts God gave you. No matter what you do — someone will not like it. You are in my prayers.

Comment on Insecure Leaders by kimwenzel

kimwenzel — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 14:36:51 +0000

This can be and often is a disease in many churches.

Comment on Wife In Pain by Wina

Wina — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 06:39:43 +0000

Well, I can’t believe I’m actually typing this. I’ve been hurt so badly lately that I really don’t want to go on. ”Church folks”!!!! GRrrrr… Well, I too am a pastor’s wife, and a step pastor’s kid. I now understand what my mom went through. My husband is on his 3rd church and we’ve been in the ministry for about 15 years now. Today, has been one of the hardest days for me and I’m just tired and burned out. I too, as one Preacher’s wife said, dread Wednesday’s and Sundays, because I have to see these people who call themselves Christians. I’ve been telling my husband lately that I need to leave him because apparently, I’m not called to be a pastor’s wife. I can’t deal with all of the back biting and hurtful things people do, those that you think are your friends, in church. I’m not your quiet little preacher’s wife. I like to laugh and work with youth, and because I don’t sit quietly by, people don’t like it. That’s why I told my husband he needs someone who is reserved and is very quiet. He would be better off and things would be so much smoother. He assures me that God has called me to do ministry alongside him. I’m very fortunate to have a loving, caring, and compassionate husband. He is my best friend, but the ministry is hard and hurtful and I don’t want it anymore. I’ve even told him, “I just want to die!” And that sounds terrible, but sometimes,… I do. I keep Jeremiah 33:3 in my thoughts though.. “Call on Me and I will answer you and show you GREAT and mighty things which you do not know.” I’M DEPENDING ON THOSE GREAT AND MIGHTY THINGS. Please ladies, pray for me. I don’t feel worthy to be a pastor’s wife because of these mixed feelings. Thanks.

Comment on Insecure Leaders by Franklin Banks

Franklin Banks — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 18:13:40 +0000

This seems to be a real virus in todays small Independent churches!!!

Comment on Why Am I Being Rejected? by Franklin Banks

Franklin Banks — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 16:33:50 +0000

I was not a paster. I was the worship leader. It was also my job to do the Maint. work onthe biulding and yard. My work was the hardest work of all. Yet I was told that I didn’t do(anything).

Comment on Wife In Pain by Ruth Reitmeyer

Ruth Reitmeyer — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 20:57:12 +0000

Who minister’s to Pastors’ wives…that’s a question I’ve been asking to church leaders, bishops, etc. They look at me as if I had horns coming out of my head….My husband is not my pastor.
Now I understand why Roman Catholic priests are celibate.

Comment on Wife In Pain by Dandi

Dandi — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 02:30:20 +0000

It is like a rush of air to realize that I am not crazy and there are other pastoral families with similar experiences to ours. My husband is not the senior pastor at our church, and the church seems to function like a corporation, not the body of Christ. I feel cynical, mistrusting, and alone. There is noone to share my fears or frustrations with, and I am paranoid about telling anyone what is going on or how I feel for fear someone will find out and it will make things worse for him. The church is like a black widow who eats her mate.

Comment on Wife In Pain by Ruth Reitmeyer

Ruth Reitmeyer — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 16:15:37 +0000

I just found your website as I was searching for a place to go for hurting pastors’ wives. My husband has been in the minitry for over 20 years now. We were married 10 years when he went into the ministry. Right now, my husband is pursuing leaving the denomination we are currently serving, because of the recent church ruling of the homosexuality issue. I don’t feel I’m called to move into this denomination. It’s causing some tension and great stress for me. Our grown children are hurting because of all the negative experiences we’ve had in the ministry. I feel like I’m holding everyone up, but there is no one to hold me. I need some pastoral care, but I don’t where to turn. I can’t turn to my husband..he’s not my pastor. Many times, I want my life back, the one before seminary, when I served the church with gladness and was fed, not critized or overhearing complaints about my husband. Thanks for this avenue to share. I feel it was God who directed me to this sight!

Comment on Wife In Pain by Red

Red — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 16:51:46 +0000

Reading these posts have helped me today. I, too, am a hurting & sad pastor’s wife. Our life is the church. We’ve been through hell the last 4 years — falsely accused of “kicking” people out (big givers). We’ve also drained our savings and retirement to keep the church afloat so my husband would not look like a failure. We’ve also taken huge pay cuts due to the 40% cut in giving over the last year. We’ve been hurt by mean-spirited people who feel they have earned the right to say whatever they want to say to us. Then they leave, go to another church and speak badly about us. The sad part about it is that we’re truly caring and loving, which I think is why this is especially hard. If we deserved it, I would have said a long time ago, “let’s get out of this ministry mess!” I’ve continued to believe that God has us here. Yet, I’m starting to question that call today. Most recently, the one we counseled through suicide moments, relationship hurts over a 3 year period, left the church because he didn’t like a ministry that was being encouraged church wide — a financial ministry. Of course, we soon found out it was because of deception and lack of integrity in his life; nevertheless, he “took” many with him and refused to handle it appropriately. I’ve never met meaner people anywhere else like I have in the church. On top of it all, I tend to be overly sensitive anyway, working through my own hurt in life with God. But I’m expected to not have hurts. After all, I’m the pastor’s wife. My husband seems to have all the answers for the church. How could he not have all the answers for me, for us? Don’t know really how to handle all of this. I just want to be “free” from the heartache and pressures of the church. I envy wives who have husbands who are laid off contractors, who are scraping to get by, able to spend more time together, talking, contemplating a new job…..odd, sounds wonderful to me! Thank you for letting me “vent” via my laptop! I’m glad I’m not alone……