Comments on: Wife In Pain

By: Yolanda

Yolanda — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:00:25 +0000

I also understand and can relate to many of the comments. I have been in the ministry with my husband for 15yrs and i have felt alone. I love the Lord with all my heart and soul. My purpose is to stand beside my husband in the ministry. But i am about to lose my mind because of the mininstry?????(help me Jesus). thank you all for the openness you have. I am not alone. What a Blessing…..

By: Charlette

Charlette — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 15:15:38 +0000

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By: shelly

shelly — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 13:00:20 +0000

I so understand all of these comments. I often feel that if I didn’t have children at home I would end it all. Church people are cruel and unappreciative. We have been hurt, maligned and set up for failure by people on a level that is unimaginable. We will lose our home soon because of the lying and general dishonesty of the people we came to “serve with”. I have moved way past anger and now am just so sad and exhausted all the time. I don’t know what to do. My husband has been looking for other work but so far no luck. I sometimes feel like God has pleasure in watching the misery. I know that isn’t the “right” thing to say but I feel we will never get out of this and have been destined to be miserable. Our marriage is more like a roommate situation due to the never ending stress and strain of the ministry. I really feel there is no way out.

By: Celia

Celia — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 02:59:20 +0000

It was great to find this website. My husband was just forced to resign about 3 months ago and pretend that it was his idea. We were there over 20 years. We had to move to a different state, so at least we could be close to some of our family for support. Please pray that I will know how to encourage my husband and get angry with him

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Sun, 07 Aug 2011 15:28:25 +0000

I’m a pastor’s wife of more than 30 years. I am so done with this–when my husband finally “retires” from ministry, (which he cannot afford to do til he is nearly 70 because of the low pay for so many decades)I think I may never set foot in a church again. Thank you for this site.

By: DEL

DEL — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 21:45:19 +0000

GOD IS SO GOOD, I NEEDED TO FIND A PLACE AND AN EAR AND GOD SENT ME TO THIS WEBSITE. I AM A PASTOR’S WIFE AUGUST OF 2011 WILL BE 10 YEARS, I AM HURTING SO BAD I HAVE ACTUALLY LEFT THE CHURCH AND DON’T HAVE PLANS TO GO BACK, IT WILL BE UP TO GOD TO CHANGE MY HEART AND MIND AT THIS POINT. I FEEL SO BETRAYED BY THE PEOPLE IN OUR CHURCH, “CHURCH LEADERS” AND THOSE CONNECTED TO THEM THAT HAVE SO MUCH INFLUENCE IN A NEGATIVE WAY THESE PEOPLE CALL THEMSELVES CHRISTIANS THEY GO ABOUT THE TASK OF RUNNING THE CHURCH THIS WAY AND ME AND MY HUSBAND ARE THE TARGET OF THIS NEGATIVITY, HE SAY I SHOULD LEARN TO FORGIVE AND KEEP PRAYING, I DO FORGIVE AND PRAY BUT WHEN YOU HAVE MESS EVERY SUNDAY DON’T HUG ME BY PUSHING ME AWAY SHAKE MY HAND THIS SUNDAY OR TELLING HIM THEY GET TIRED OF HEARING HIM PREACH NOT SPEAKING TO ME, WALKING OUT WHEN HE STARTS TO PREACH (EVERY SUNDAY). THESE THINGS HAVE TAKEN A TOLL ON MY HEALTH FIRST I WAS PUT ON PROZAC, THEN I WAS TOLD I HAVE PTSS(POST TRAMATIC STRESS SYNDROME) I’M ON ANTI DEPRESSION MEDS BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS MY DOCTOR WHO IS A CHRISTIAN TOLD ME I NEEDED TO MAKE A DECISION FOR MY HEALTH SAKE, I’VE BEEN GONE FOR A MONTH AND I STILL CRY I PRAY THAT THE LORD WILL HEAL MY HEART AND MIND BUT RIGHT NOW I AM JUST RESTING KNOWING THAT THE LORD WILL HEAL ME. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME SISTERS!

By: Carol

Carol — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 15:49:12 +0000

After perusing many websites, this was the first one that began with Scripture. Thank you for that. God’s Word is the answer to our hurts and heartaches. His very breath is in His Word. I am very sad at all I hear you pastors’ wives experiencing; it doesn’t necessarily comfort me that so many of us are going through the same things, although I understand what you mean when you say that. It just makes me so sad that in the Lord’s work, there are so many hurting people. I’ve often wondered in my own life and in my husband’s ministry, “What about the verse that talks about ‘abundant life’?” Well, one of you hit the nail on the head when you said the enemy is active in the church and toward ministers of God far more than he is in the bar down the street. This is very true, and as I understand Scripture, if you’re not meeting with opposition on a regular basis then you must be traveling the wrong direction. The call to follow Christ is a narrow road and a difficult one, going against the flow of the broad way with “many” coming at you from the opposite direction. I pray that God will comfort us who are hurting. My biggest pain is that I am watching my husband “die on the vine.” He’s losing heart; yet feels stuck. He has faced one opposition after another, while simply just trying to preach the Word and be faithful to its truths. Furthermore, he blames me for our being in this particular ministry - I was very discontent with the living situation in our last ministry, so when the opportunity came for us to have a nice house and better income he claims that I wanted it very much, so he came. I’ve never seen myself as materialistic, but I’ve confessed what my husband believes I did, as sin, and I’ve asked him and God both for forgiveness. There is forgiveness, but there are also consequences. We are stuck. Two kids in college. A mortgage on a house that spiraled in value almost immediately, so no selling or refinancing to be had… I just want my happy husband back. And our kids want their father. But to mention something like that to him “only adds to his burden.” He too comes home often and goes into his cave of silence. Occasionally, the real him emerges and enjoys time with family, but seldom. I am grateful to God that He has spared me from the pain of any kind of abuse or my husband’s involvement in things like pornography. I even read the other day of a preacher who killed himself while in jail awaiting bail…this was like his third offense against women in about 10 years…my goodness! I’ll take loneliness over that any day! I pray that you sisters in Christ will find peace, and that you will
Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful grace;
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
in the light of His glory and grace.

I leave you with the words to another song that touched my heart so deeply (”Unredeemed” by Selah):

The cruelest words - the coldest heart -
The deepest wound - the endless dark -
The lonely ache - the burning tears -
The bitter nights - the wasted years:
Life breaks and falls apart.
But we know these are…

Places where grace is
Soon to be so amazing
They may be unfulfilled
They may be unrestored
But when anything that’s shattered
Is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see - it will not be
Unredeemed.

For every choice that led to shame
For all the love that never came
For every vow that someone broke
And every life that gave up hope
We live in the shadow of the Fall
But the Cross says these are all…

Places where grace is
Soon to be so amazing
They may be unfulfilled
They may be unrestored
But when anything that’s shattered
Is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see - it will not be
Unredeemed.

He will wipe every tear!
It will not be unredeemed.

Places where grace is
Soon to be so amazing
They may be unfulfilled
They may be unrestored
We you never know the miracles
The Father has in store!
Just watch and see, it will not be
Just watch and see, it will not be
Unredeemed.

I pray these words will somehow comfort someone and draw you to the Father’s strong arms!

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Fri, 27 May 2011 18:23:04 +0000

Mike, are you saying that if this lady shows anger or hurt at what her husband has done that it is her fault if he doesn’t quit? She has a right to be angry, and to tell him so. Yes, she should still love him, but don’t put a burden on her that isn’t hers to bear. It is HIS fault for what he’s done, and it is HIS fault if he doesn’t quit. He will stand before God and give an account for his own sin. His wife shouldn’t have to feel guilty for her hurt and anger.

By: mike

mike — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 19:05:30 +0000

Elaine. You and your husband can experience a great relationship but it will require a complety brand new start up for you both. Hes fallen into the trap that snares alot of people who sit at computors with anonimity. I wont downplay it by saying “its a guy thing”…but it is one of the biggest spiritual stumbling blocks for even the most stalward men of God. It dosent mean hes not in love with YOU and its probably not saying hes not attracted to you. Men are visional stimiulated…. period. The enemy will hold them captive by using the male wiring and lack of discipline. Hes going to need to recognize, repent, restructure and reassure. If he does, help him. If you insist on reminding him of what he did, you are telling him that he is still who he was, enabling him to “give up”.,and you will now be the one who is ruining the marriage. A man needs (yes yours have been violated) the respect of his wife. Without it, he withers and disconnects. Be his cheerleader and watch him change. I quarentee that your confidence in him will create the change that your criticisim (althogh understandible) never could.

By: Crystal

Crystal — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 20:47:12 +0000

Dear Rosalind!Hi! Thank you for serving the Lord in Africa. Where are you from originally?I am a pastor’s wife and we are going through similar to you even though we are in the US.We are not fighting against flesh and blood but against powers and principalities. I am in there with you. We are losing our home also, through an illegal foreclosure here in the USHours and days and weeks and months we have fought this, writing to the Senator and Rep of our state, making calls to whomever will listen, writing to tv stations, newspapers, and yet the battle is on. We were never late on our mortgage and we applied for a modification in 2009. Our mortgage was less than apartments and homes here so we have no idea how we will pay a landlord. Our income is 1/3 of what we were receiving, so we can’t even afford an apartment, severe motor vehicle issues, and we have no insurances of any sorts for health and one of our children is sick. I sit here, writing to you on my sixth anniversary of my husband and my marriage. When I married my husband, we thought things were so great with the new church I joined him with. Many of the women in the church would not accept me because they were still mourning over the death of my husband’s first wife who died of cancer. He cared for her in the home for over 5 years until she passed away. My husband abandoned my family of five children after being married for 20 years. He had a porn problem and alcohol problem. After I married my new husband and I was in the church for over a year, problems began like you can not imagine. He was then let go with no explanation and we had no defense. We left graciously and a couple of months later were asked by brethren to start a new church. We were thrilled and so greatful that someone loved my husband’s preaching. We now have this wonderful church and not enough money to live. Over 60,000 people have read his blog and thousands have listened to his sermons on sermonaudio.com and still no money. We can’t understand it either, and we have three children living with us. Two of the kids are working part time and are trying to help. It is no where to what we need to live in Massachusetts.So, if you would like to be a penpal and write, I would love to write back, we definetely need each other.Faith410@gmail.com