Comments on: Wife In Pain

By: NiNi

NiNi — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 17:11:00 +0000

I am a pastor’s wife in Pain. I did not even know my husband was goi ing to become a pastor so soon. We are both 26 years old. He just came home one day and told me that he was a pastor now. No discussion and now I am thrown into something I feel that I am not ready for and neither is he. He has ruined my credit, cheated on me, watches porn, doesnt want my help, ignores our children and now he single handedly going to ruin the church finances. I am stressed, I have to monitor him like a child. If I dont do things it wont get done. I am a full time student, mother, work full time and now I have to plan services and events for church when I dont even feel that I know my husband are called to the ministry at this point. I am on the verge of leaving him anyway, and he doesnt understand why I want to leave him. I cant talk to anybody because then Ill be “spreading our business” I cant take this anymore. I feel like God is not with me anymore. I need help, I need prayer. Please anybody???

By: Jan

Jan — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 13:14:30 +0000

Oh, my…I am not going crazy. It’s funny how you think that you are the only one that feels this way. We followed a very strong, successful couple that started the church. Those were the “glory days”. That’s when money wasn’t a problem and the church was building buildings. That was their mission, to be a big. fancy church building. Then my husband and i came and we wanted to be ministering in the community. The economic crisis happened and many had to move away. Somehow the economy and the rate people were leaving has been our faults. They want the “glory days” to happen again. Somehow I feel if we left they would be happy. They want me to be like the last pastor’s wife. She ran the church, did weddings and socials. I am an ex missionary, I don’t even like fancy events. We are so different and the church after 5 years is still in shock. I am a shell of a woman and my husband doesn’t understand. It is loney and I am very disconnected to these people. How much longer can I go?

By: Lori

Lori — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 05:33:11 +0000

I can hardly believe what I’m reading is real! So many of the comments written by other pastor’s wives mirror my thoughts exactly. I thought I was the only one who felt left out, alone, dreading Wednesdays and Sundays, wishing I could just stay home and worship all by myself. Thank you all for sharing your feelings! I would so like to just be real, to just be myself and be accepted without judgement. My husband encourages me to be myself and not worry about what the “church ladies” say. I have found myself rebelling in silly ways lately…dying my hair, using purple glitter nail polish, all the things I can think of that the perfect pastor’s wife wouldn’t do. I want to find ME again and stop being such a great actress.

By: Sue

Sue — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 00:01:39 +0000

Thanks Ann…..I appreciate your perspective!

By: Ann

Ann — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 23:28:13 +0000

I can see I’m (we’re) not alone. As if we ever were. Satan yells in my heart that I am alone. Thanks for all the heartfelt comments.
I know that every pain I feel goes through His heart first.

By: Ruth Reitmeyer

Ruth Reitmeyer — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 15:33:46 +0000

Wina, I’ll be praying for you. I had the same conversation with my husband several years ago. In fact, I went to work crying, because I was seriously thinking of leaving my husband. I just couldn’t take it any more. My husband and I had a long talk and basically told him that I loved him, but couldn’t stand by to see what was happening to him, which was affecting me. Fortunately, that became a wake up call. I still am figuring out how I fit in as a pastor’s wive after almost 25 years. However, I have tried to make friends outside of the church and have a full-time job now, which limits me to what I will do in the church. The best advice I can offer..don’t become someone you are not. You need to keep your laughter and keep working with the youth, if that’s what fills you. These are the gifts God gave you. No matter what you do — someone will not like it. You are in my prayers.

By: Wina

Wina — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 06:39:43 +0000

Well, I can’t believe I’m actually typing this. I’ve been hurt so badly lately that I really don’t want to go on. ”Church folks”!!!! GRrrrr… Well, I too am a pastor’s wife, and a step pastor’s kid. I now understand what my mom went through. My husband is on his 3rd church and we’ve been in the ministry for about 15 years now. Today, has been one of the hardest days for me and I’m just tired and burned out. I too, as one Preacher’s wife said, dread Wednesday’s and Sundays, because I have to see these people who call themselves Christians. I’ve been telling my husband lately that I need to leave him because apparently, I’m not called to be a pastor’s wife. I can’t deal with all of the back biting and hurtful things people do, those that you think are your friends, in church. I’m not your quiet little preacher’s wife. I like to laugh and work with youth, and because I don’t sit quietly by, people don’t like it. That’s why I told my husband he needs someone who is reserved and is very quiet. He would be better off and things would be so much smoother. He assures me that God has called me to do ministry alongside him. I’m very fortunate to have a loving, caring, and compassionate husband. He is my best friend, but the ministry is hard and hurtful and I don’t want it anymore. I’ve even told him, “I just want to die!” And that sounds terrible, but sometimes,… I do. I keep Jeremiah 33:3 in my thoughts though.. “Call on Me and I will answer you and show you GREAT and mighty things which you do not know.” I’M DEPENDING ON THOSE GREAT AND MIGHTY THINGS. Please ladies, pray for me. I don’t feel worthy to be a pastor’s wife because of these mixed feelings. Thanks.

By: Ruth Reitmeyer

Ruth Reitmeyer — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 20:57:12 +0000

Who minister’s to Pastors’ wives…that’s a question I’ve been asking to church leaders, bishops, etc. They look at me as if I had horns coming out of my head….My husband is not my pastor.
Now I understand why Roman Catholic priests are celibate.

By: Dandi

Dandi — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 02:30:20 +0000

It is like a rush of air to realize that I am not crazy and there are other pastoral families with similar experiences to ours. My husband is not the senior pastor at our church, and the church seems to function like a corporation, not the body of Christ. I feel cynical, mistrusting, and alone. There is noone to share my fears or frustrations with, and I am paranoid about telling anyone what is going on or how I feel for fear someone will find out and it will make things worse for him. The church is like a black widow who eats her mate.

By: Ruth Reitmeyer

Ruth Reitmeyer — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 16:15:37 +0000

I just found your website as I was searching for a place to go for hurting pastors’ wives. My husband has been in the minitry for over 20 years now. We were married 10 years when he went into the ministry. Right now, my husband is pursuing leaving the denomination we are currently serving, because of the recent church ruling of the homosexuality issue. I don’t feel I’m called to move into this denomination. It’s causing some tension and great stress for me. Our grown children are hurting because of all the negative experiences we’ve had in the ministry. I feel like I’m holding everyone up, but there is no one to hold me. I need some pastoral care, but I don’t where to turn. I can’t turn to my husband..he’s not my pastor. Many times, I want my life back, the one before seminary, when I served the church with gladness and was fed, not critized or overhearing complaints about my husband. Thanks for this avenue to share. I feel it was God who directed me to this sight!