Wife In Pain

Dec 30, 2008 by

Father, I feel my husband’s pain. I live with his anger, discouragement, and depression every day. Why is this happening to us, to him, and to me? I feel like a ship out on the open sea in a storm, without a rudder or power to get back to shore. I don’t know what to do except cry out to you, day and night. I’m looking for the answer that you will give.

I thank you, Lord, that you are here for me. I don’t always feel you are close. I feel abandoned by my husband, my friends, my church, and even my family. But I know you are here. I know you experienced the feelings of betrayal and rejection during your darkest hour on this earth. You know exactly how I feel at this moment.

Lord Jesus, I give you thanks that I can experience your sufferings. I don’t like it, but I know this is changing me for eternity. You brought us together and it is your will that we work out our salvation together. We are learning in a very practical way what “..for better or for worse” really means. May the words of I Corinthians 13 really come true in me. That will have to be You because I don’t have the power to live that kind of love out myself. Thank you for your love that never fails!

Gracious God, I need your presence as never before. I ask you to give me wisdom to speak humbly and gently so that my husband will receive the words and not lash out at me, too. He needs me as his friend so very much but he keeps pushing me away. Lord, let me be your tender touch of grace to him and let me be your voice of compassion to him. I ask you to fill me with a fresh flow of your love that will cover a multitude of sins, his and mine. We want to be restored, Lord. Thank you for every morsel of forgiveness and grace that you pour into this situation. You are the answer, Lord, and I love you!

Praying the Scriptures . . .

I am in pain and distress;
may your salvation, O God, protect me. (Psa. 69:29 NIV)

For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. (I Peter 2:19-21 NIV)

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. (Rev. 21:4 NIV)

I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. I will make those who are of the synagogue of Satan, who claim to be Jews though they are not, but are liars I will make them come and fall down at your feet and acknowledge that I have loved you. Since you have kept my command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come upon the whole world to test those who live on the earth. (Rev. 3:8-10 NIV)

My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psa.62:1-2 NIV)

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matt.11:28-30 NIV

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57 Comments

  1. Donna

    Wow!  I am so blessed by your articles.  They (all) are right on time as my husband – who is my pastor – is going through so much with the church.  We both know the Lord has sent him there and for a moment, it seemed as though things were going “okay”.  But as pastor began to continue to share the Word and require certain individuals to follow the order of God, they began to “show themselves” and what has been in their hearts all along.  Thanks so much for allowing the Lord to use you. 

  2. Candace

    Thank you for your website that cares about pastor’s wives.. I am a pastor’s wife and I need a friend.  I can relate to the “wife in pain”…I love the Lord but this life in the ministry, I do not love.  We’ve been at it for a long time and I would love to be able to have a “normal” life away from scrutiny and the politics of ministry.  

  3. Cindy

    I agree with Candace…Love the Lord…not so thrilled with ministry. I know Paul says, “I have become all things to all men so that some might be saved.” I feel like I have become so much to so many without anyone knowing Him more. My dad was a minister…I married a minister…What’s a “normal” life? It feels like a fishbowl.

  4. Heather

    Thank you.I am hurting and my husband is hurting. God is truly good but we are so tired and beatup. Thank you for the words to pray. They help my heart say what it cannot on its own.

  5. Wendy

    I’m right there with all of you, feeling tired, beat up, hurt, betrayed, and rejected. I don’t know how I found this website but I’m glad I did. My husband is a student pastor and we have been treated so badly in ministry. I know that God has called us to ministry, but after going through 3 painful experiences in a row, I’m ready to throw in the towel! Without any wrongdoing and no warnings, no write-ups, good reviews along the way (and plenty of “your doing a good job’s from the exec. staff), my husband was asked to leave without even giving him a reason or letting us say goodbye to anyone (and the staff was told not to speak with him—what??!?)! They only gave one month’s severance. God has ALWAYS been faithful to us in seasons of transition. But it’s beginning to shake our confidence in our calling. Are we really supposed to be doing this?This has happened to so many of my Bible college friends…I wonder where the compassion of Christ is in all of this ungodly treatment from the church?? Surely, there is a better way for the church to handle difficult situations other than kicking one of their shepherds to the curb? One thing I know…God sees all the injustice, all the nastiness from other people that we and others in similar situations have had to endure. I continue to stand on His Word and His promises spoken long ago to me. We need direction. We need provision. And I know…God is ALWAYS faithful. 

  6. Wendy,
    like your attitude, and I like the attitude of several other ladies who have commented. Can you please give me a call at 918-919-1490. Thanks!

    Kim

  7. Anna

    My husband and I have been in full time Christian ministry for 20 years now and as pastors we have discovered that sheep BITE!!! and they bite mean and hard. I appreciate your website and the help I have found. I can’t wait to show it to my husband! Thank you

  8. Michele

    I’m not sure how I found this website, I believe it was God. I am a hurting wife who is ready to throw in the towel. I am embarrassed and ashamed to feel the way I do, but I feel as if I can no longer compete for my husband’s attention with the church. We have been in ministry for 15 years and I just want to be real. No more fish bowl, I want to be a normal person without the guilt, fear and anger. I trust in the Lord and know that he is the one carrying me through this fire. It is so hard when I don’t know who I can trust or talk too. I’m sorry to unload here, I’ve never found a place for hurting wives before. Thank you.

  9. Michele, you are correct indeed when you say you just want to live without shame or embarrassment. New Covenant Christianity is all about living in the fullness of Father’s unconditional love. It is about a freedom Jesus gave us that is not understood by most believers. Christianity is not a behavior modification program; or a religion. Christianity is a relationship of love with our great God, and as we live in that love He can change us from the inside out. Since we are all sinners, there should never be a fish bowl, just love and encouragement for each other. Institutional churches have skewed love, freedom and our relationship with Christ.

  10. Joy

    I typed hurting pastors wife into google and you guys came up. Like Michele, I feel ashamed of the way I feel. I feel defeated. Our church doesn’t even understand that they are destroying our desire to be in the ministry. They just think we are greenhorns who need to learn how to do it right. They got rid of the last pastor and now they hold us accountable for the way they feel about him (even though they say they have dropped it.) No matter what he does they tell him he is wrong. The church is not growing and he takes that to heart as being his fault. Right now my father is dying and I need my husband to help me through this but he is hurting so much because of the church and his temptation to throw in the towel and I don’t know…go to work at a supercenter????….that he can’t help me at all. He just gets mad that I cry so much. Add to that the fact that our small church can’t pay us enough to meet the bills yet says that if my husband takes another job they will cut his salary…being broke is bad enough…having to decide who not to pay this month is suffocating. I am just depleated. Anyway…thanks for your website. Perhaps it might help me get started tying a knot to hang on with.

  11. I PRAY FOR EACH OF YOU, WE ARE ALL APART OF GOD,S BODY. YET AND STILL AS PASTOR’S WIVES WE SOME TIMES FILL IF THOUGH WE ARE TRAPPLE ON I MEAN STEPPED ON, BECAUSE OF DISRESPECT, MISUNDERSTANDING, LIKE OF ATTENTION FROM OUR PASTOR HUSBANDS.  .OH WELL LET,S GET RAW WITH IT ,  WOMEN LOVE MEN IN AUTHORTY SO IT,S ENOUGH TRYING ALL WAY,S TO PRAY FOR OUR HUSBAND,  BUT THERE WILL ALWAYS BE OPPOSITION SO WE MUST ALL WAY,S KEEP THEM IN PRAYER, THAT GOD WILL KEEPTHEM FROM TEMPTATION. NEVER LET ANY ONE SEE YOU AT YOUR WEAKEST POINT, ALL WAY’S TAKE IT TO THE LORD IN PRAYER. AND KEEP ON SMILING. I FIND THIS HELP A LOT. BECAUSE WHEN THEY SEE YOU SAD THIS GIVE THEM .CONTENTMENT. WE AS PASTOR’S WIVE’S MUST KEEP IN MINE GOD IS WITH US ALL WAYS AND FOR EVER, HE HAVE MADE A COVENANT WITH YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND. KNOW ONE CAN CHANGE THAT BUT GOD. I HAVE BEEN A PASTOR’S WIFE FOR TWENTYEIGHT YEAR’S. I FOUND THAT BEING A PASTOR WIFE CAN BE A  LONELY PLACE YOU MUST HAVE SOME ONE YOU CAN TALK TO WITH OUT JUDGING YOU, SOME ONE WHO WILL ALLOW YOU TO VENT AND UNDERSTAND YOU AT THE SAME TIME. THAT SOME ONE MUST BE A FRIEND SENT FROM GOD. THIS MAKES LIFE A LITTLE EASY AND NOT SO LONELY. IIF YOU DO NOT HAVE SUCH A FRIEND PRAY THAT GOD WILL SEND YOU ONE . THANK’S FOR ALLOWING ME TO EXPRESS MY SELF PASTOR WIVE’S ARE GEMS IN WHOM GOD PUT IN  THE CHURCH TO SHINE WHEN ALL ELSE FELL .”‘ GEM’S MEAN GOD ELECTED ME TO SERVE” MAY OUR LORD AND SAVIOR BLESS EACH OF YOU . LET’S ALL GIVE EACH OTHER A SPIRITUAL HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG LOVE ALL OF YOU IN JESUS NAME.

  12. Lisa

    I feel like all these ladies do. I’ve heard every sermon, read every article. I try spending more time in God’s Word, etc. It all helps for awhile, then something else happens at church. I know I’m not supposed to let circumstances get me down, but it is so constant I can’t seem to keep my head above water. My husband (pastor) is very good about being there for me, but I can’t burden him all the time or he will become discouraged also. I used to love  being at church and working at different ministries, but I get to where I dread Sundays and Wednesdays. I want to serve the Lord in liberty. The way it used to be. I read God’s promises and I don’t see them coming true in my life. I feel terrible even saying that, cause Christ is the best thing that’s every happened in my life but that’s how I feel nonetheless. My head believes but my heart doesn’t. I keep going through the motions, and keep smiling even though I feel dead inside.  ”And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest. Lo, then would I wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest.” Ps. 55:6-8

  13. Kim

    Oh ladies, I am so sorry for all of you. My husband and I have been in the ministry for over 30 years as youth pastor, missionary on a foreign field, and senior pastor. I met Jesus when I was 17 and He changed my life and I have never stopped loving Him. But His church is killing me. In 30 years I’ve never wanted out of ministry…but I do now. The meanness of church people is more than I can take anymore. I know that the Lord is my strong tower, my refuge and hiding place, but it doesn’t stop the attacks. Will you pray for me too?

  14. Betty

    Hi ladies, I too just did a google and found the site under support for Pastor’s wives. I suppose that I have been having a meltdown for a while now. It is so hard to be who the Lord has called us to be. I can identify with all of you from time to time. I guess my problem is that because my husband is so frustrated with the church and yes he expects me to be in everything and when things don’t go right, It is my fault. I am so tired of the constant financial sacrifices that we have had to make. It is a cruel world, the church. God has given me gifts and I want to be able to use them for his glory, not to feel guilty for doing what God has called me to do. Some days, I am not even sure if I am suppose to be in the ministry and like you I want to throw in the towel, there have even been times I felt like leaving my marriage because my husband seems to forget that he has a family. I love the Lord and don’t want to ever do anything that would hinder his ministry but don’t I count, don’t I matter. Did not the Lord die already for the church so why do my husband and some of your husbands feel like they have to be the sacrificial lamb again? Help ! It is comforting to be able to even write my feelings. I have titles of books in me but somethings are so shameful, hurtful that I don’t think I could even put them in print. Thank the Lord for this space to share some of whats in my heart. God bless you and Ladies lets just keep praying for one another and especially our mates.

  15. lori

    Hi, I stumbled upon this nice site while searching “pastoral burnout.” After much reading here and other places, I realize my husband has probably been experiencing burnout for most of the 18 years of ministry at our church. We are almost to the breaking point with no one to listen. Our church was once growing and thriving. Now it is reduced to half it’s former size. Some who’ve left (I wish I could) have promised us that it’s not he and I, but the church that has dicouraged them and they need to get somewhere where they can grow. I’ve gone through huge life crises and come out by learning to use the word. I thank God for the growth I’ve experienced, but for the last two years although I’ve reached, searched, and prayed til I don’t know how else to pray, I’m very discouraged and want to leave the church I’ve been in for 30 years. I love the Lord desperately, love to teach, preach, write, and feel I have so much to give. It’s so often overlooked. My husband is often aloof and sullen, and quiet at home due to the way he and I have been treated. I could echo sentiment after sentiment of the other ladie’s comments. It’s even negatively affecting our adult children–one is our worship leader, both are ready to leave the church they grew up in.  Having to keep our hurts and disappointments to ourselves is taking a huge toll. My heart is broken and its the church’s fault. I would love to be part of a church, but want to be appreciated and properly compensated. We’ve taken a voluntary pay cut to help the church stay afloat. They didn’t want us to do it and originally we felt it would free us to do other types of ministry. We’re having an awful time getting started doing anything else, though we’ve diligently knocked on every possible door. The pay cut is becoming a ‘hindrance” to me. I want so badly to stay sweet, kind, and loving, but I’m fighting bitterness and for all practical purposes I’ve quit this particular church and actually feel relieved.I am there in body only. I’ve lost my joy in this position and hope to recover it before my husband and I become one more statistic. Blessing to all of you, you’re not alone.

  16. Sharon

    In some ways, I’m glad to have found this site and to see messages from other wives about their frustrations.  My husband is a senior seminary student, a 2nd career older student, and was appointed as a part time pastor at a church 45 minutes from the seminary while continuing to carry a full-time class load.  We moved away from our home of 20+ years, I left a satisfying job, we moved into “student” housing.  I had also lost both my parents and my older sister in the 6 years preceding our move, so I was/am still grieving.  My husband is a Type A personality and so everything he does, he does 110%, including his studies and ministry.  Even when he is in our apartment, he is not “here.”  He’s a straight A student and is constantly praised for his work at his church. In May, he will graduate and, in typical church political fashion, no one will discuss with him the possibility of a call.  He has actually been told that nothing may be forthcoming until this time next year.  Meanwhile, we have no home to go back to, cannot stay where we are, and all I can get out of him is “I’m praying about it.”  Well, if pleading with God to please do something is prayer, then I’m praying, too.  I am nearly 60 years old and the stress of this life is building tremendously on me.  In the past two and a half years I have seen a side of “church” life that I would never have believed existed.  District leaders who play “I’ve Got A Secret;”theology professors who insist on having their beliefs regurgitated to them rather than encouraging students to find their own paths; church members who open their doors for a Sunday noon food bank but shut their hearts to the people who come to use it.  As several other wives noted, I’m ready to throw in the towel, not just on the church, but also on my marriage.  

  17. Hannah

    I’m a relatively new Pastor’s wife. I’ve had no mentor to teach me how to operate in ministry. The Lord has been my ULTIMATE teacher.I feel grossly misunderstood by my husband and congregation. I am TRULY being enlightened on the ugly side of ministry and church politics. I know this is not what Christ intended when He instructed us to love 1 another as Christ loved the church.I feel responsible to the Lord to show and instruct other women on conducting themselves through the Love of Christ. I know this journey is not alway’s going to be roses, this trial is temporary and I will make it. Only what we do for Christ will stand. Be encouraged ladies!

  18. Red

    Reading these posts have helped me today.  I, too, am a hurting & sad pastor’s wife.  Our life is the church.  We’ve been through hell the last 4 years — falsely accused of “kicking” people out (big givers).  We’ve also drained our savings and retirement to keep the church afloat so my husband would not look like a failure. We’ve also taken huge pay cuts due to the 40% cut in giving over the last year.  We’ve been hurt by mean-spirited people who feel they have earned the right to say whatever they want to say to us.  Then they leave, go to another church and speak badly about us.  The sad part about it is that we’re truly caring and loving, which I think is why this is especially hard.  If we deserved it, I would have said a long time ago, “let’s get out of this ministry mess!”  I’ve continued to believe that God has us here.  Yet, I’m starting to question that call today.  Most recently, the one we counseled through suicide moments, relationship hurts over a 3 year period, left the church because he didn’t like a ministry that was being encouraged church wide — a financial ministry.  Of course, we soon found out it was because of deception and lack of integrity in his life; nevertheless, he “took” many with him and refused to handle it appropriately.  I’ve never met meaner people anywhere else like I have in the church.  On top of it all, I tend to be overly sensitive anyway, working through my own hurt in life with God.  But I’m expected to not have hurts.  After all, I’m the pastor’s wife.  My husband seems to have all the answers for the church.  How could he not have all the answers for me, for us?  Don’t know really how to handle all of this.  I just want to be “free” from the heartache and pressures of the church.  I envy wives who have husbands who are laid off contractors, who are scraping to get by, able to spend more time together, talking, contemplating a new job…..odd, sounds wonderful to me!  Thank you for letting me “vent” via my laptop!  I’m glad I’m not alone……

  19. Ruth Reitmeyer

    I just found your website as I was searching for a place to go for hurting pastors’ wives. My husband has been in the minitry for over 20 years now. We were married 10 years when he went into the ministry. Right now, my husband is pursuing leaving the denomination we are currently serving, because of the recent church ruling of the homosexuality issue. I don’t feel I’m called to move into this denomination. It’s causing some tension and great stress for me. Our grown children are hurting because of all the negative experiences we’ve had in the ministry. I feel like I’m holding everyone up, but there is no one to hold me. I need some pastoral care, but I don’t where to turn. I can’t turn to my husband..he’s not my pastor. Many times, I want my life back, the one before seminary, when I served the church with gladness and was fed, not critized or overhearing complaints about my husband. Thanks for this avenue to share. I feel it was God who directed me to this sight!

  20. Dandi

    It is like a rush of air to realize that I am not crazy and there are other pastoral families with similar experiences to ours.   My husband is not the senior pastor at our church, and the church seems to function like a corporation, not the body of Christ.  I feel cynical, mistrusting, and alone.  There is noone to share my fears or frustrations with, and I am paranoid about telling anyone what is going on or how I feel for fear someone will find out and it will make things worse for him.  The church is like a black widow who eats her mate.  

  21. Ruth Reitmeyer

    Who minister’s to Pastors’ wives…that’s a question I’ve been asking to church leaders, bishops, etc. They look at me as if I had horns coming out of my head….My husband is not my pastor.
    Now I understand why Roman Catholic priests are celibate.

  22. Wina

    Well, I can’t believe I’m actually typing this.  I’ve been hurt so badly lately that I really don’t want to go on.  ”Church folks”!!!! GRrrrr…  Well, I too am a pastor’s wife, and a step pastor’s kid.  I now understand what my mom went through.  My husband is on his 3rd church and we’ve been in the ministry for about 15 years now.  Today, has been one of the hardest days for me and I’m just tired and burned out.  I too, as one Preacher’s wife said, dread Wednesday’s and Sundays, because I have to see these people who call themselves Christians.  I’ve been telling my husband lately that I need to leave him because apparently, I’m not called to be a pastor’s wife.  I can’t deal with all of the back biting and hurtful things people do, those that you think are your friends, in church.  I’m not  your quiet little preacher’s wife.  I like to laugh and work with youth, and because I don’t sit quietly by, people don’t like it.  That’s why I told my husband he needs someone who is reserved and is very quiet.  He would be better off and things would be so much smoother. He assures me that God has called me to do ministry alongside him.  I’m very fortunate to have a loving, caring, and compassionate husband.  He is my best friend, but the ministry is hard and hurtful and I don’t want it anymore.  I’ve even told him, “I just want to die!”  And that sounds terrible, but sometimes,… I do.  I keep Jeremiah 33:3 in my thoughts though.. “Call on Me and I will answer you and show you GREAT and mighty things which you do not know.”  I’M DEPENDING ON THOSE GREAT AND MIGHTY THINGS.   Please ladies, pray for me.  I don’t feel worthy to be a pastor’s wife because of these mixed feelings.  Thanks.

  23. Ruth Reitmeyer

    Wina, I’ll be praying for you. I had the same conversation with my husband several years ago. In fact, I went to work crying, because I was seriously thinking of leaving my husband. I just couldn’t take it any more. My husband and I had a long talk and basically told him that I loved him, but couldn’t stand by to see what was happening to him, which was affecting me. Fortunately, that became a wake up call. I still am figuring out how I fit in as a pastor’s wive after almost 25 years. However, I have tried to make friends outside of the church and have a full-time job now, which limits me to what I will do in the church. The best advice I can offer..don’t become someone you are not. You need to keep your laughter and keep working with the youth, if that’s what fills you. These are the gifts God gave you. No matter what you do — someone will not like it. You are in my prayers.

  24. Ann

    I can see I’m (we’re) not alone. As if we ever were. Satan yells in my heart that I am alone. Thanks for all the heartfelt comments.
    I know that every pain I feel goes through His heart first.

  25. Sue

    Thanks Ann…..I appreciate your perspective!

  26. Lori

    I can hardly believe what I’m reading is real! So many of the comments written by other pastor’s wives mirror my thoughts exactly. I thought I was the only one who felt left out, alone, dreading Wednesdays and Sundays, wishing I could just stay home and worship all by myself. Thank you all for sharing your feelings! I would so like to just be real, to just be myself and be accepted without judgement. My husband encourages me to be myself and not worry about what the “church ladies” say. I have found myself rebelling in silly ways lately…dying my hair, using purple glitter nail polish, all the things I can think of that the perfect pastor’s wife wouldn’t do. I want to find ME again and stop being such a great actress.

  27. Jan

    Oh, my…I am not going crazy.  It’s funny how you think that you are the only one that feels this way.  We followed a very strong, successful couple that started the church.  Those were the “glory days”.  That’s when money wasn’t a problem and the church was building buildings.  That was their mission, to be a big. fancy church building.  Then my husband and i came and we wanted to be ministering in the community.  The economic crisis happened and many had to move away.  Somehow the economy and the rate people were leaving has been our faults.  They want the “glory days” to happen again.  Somehow I feel if we left they would be happy.  They want me to be like the last pastor’s wife.  She ran the church, did weddings and socials.  I am an ex missionary, I don’t even like fancy events.  We are so different and the church after 5 years is still in shock.   I am a shell of a woman and my husband doesn’t understand.  It is loney and I am very disconnected to these people.  How much longer can I go?

  28. NiNi

    I am a pastor’s wife in Pain. I did not even know my husband was goi ing to become a pastor so soon. We are both 26 years old. He just came home one day and told me that he was a pastor now. No discussion and now I am thrown into something I feel that I am not ready for and neither is he. He has ruined my credit, cheated on me, watches porn, doesnt want my help, ignores our children and now he single handedly going to ruin the church finances. I am stressed, I have to monitor him like a child. If I dont do things it wont get done. I am a full time student, mother, work full time and now I have to plan services and events for church when I dont even feel that I know my husband are called to the ministry at this point. I am on the verge of leaving him anyway, and he doesnt understand why I want to leave him. I cant talk to anybody because then Ill be “spreading our business” I cant take this anymore. I feel like God is not with me anymore. I need help, I need prayer. Please anybody???

  29. Connie

    NiNi. I’m very concerned for you and am channeling some of my own pain into praying for you.I am currently working on a book for minister’s wives in pain. I don’t know how long it will take me to finish it, but after reading all these comments, I am convinced that the time is NOW!  I have been through much church upheaval–a lifetime of it, starting with being shunned for over 16 years. I have a message and am working through PSTD and know that God is and will continue to be victor. I would love to befriend you offboard, if you like.Regardless, know that another wounded warrior-ess is praying for you.

  30. Tammy

    Wow…I have thought all this time there was something wrong with me. My husband is in his 5th pastorate in 10 years. We seem to be drawn to the same types of churches, small and rural. Our first church was a mission and was not a bad experience, but since then it has been the same story, different “town”. I am at a complete breaking point, I have declared to my husband, “I want out”. I don’t want out of our marriage, but I can’t take anymore meanness from so called Christians. We have been at our current church 2 years, and the last year has been horendous (sp?). We had a false teacher start leading people astray, and the church leadership asked him to step down from his positions. We have been in battle ever since. He has started a blog that is set on my husbands destruction. He won’t retalitate, but I have been brought in, my kids have been brought in and it is tearing our family apart. I cry all the time, I don’t want to go to church, I just want to leave. The church is destroying so many, and the purpose is to edify. I hear these stories from other wives, and I sympathize and know exactly where you are. I will pray for each of you, and I ask that you lift me up as well. I love the Lord, but right now I don’t love His church. Thanks for letting me share some of my story and venting. I am looking for some wise words and some encouragement to keep up the fight.

  31. Casey

    Hello Ladies. I too am a burned out pastor’s wife. However, my story is a bit different. I have a husband 21 years my senior. Maybe there are some of you out there that are the same, but this adds an even harder dimension to the equation. But some of the things I am reading here are making me see something too. Something that I hope will help you all and that I had “forgotten.” It isn’t God’s church that is causing the problem ladies. It IS the foothold that Satan has on each of our churches. Someone in our congregation once said, Satan is not working down at the local bar, he’s working right here, in each of our churches, and you know, reading the posts here, he is absolutely correct.

    Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you and persecute you and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad for so persecuted they the prophets that were before you” (Matthew 5: 11-12).

    Ladies, we are not better than the prophets, and just reading what you all are going through, and what I am going through, as we are all very similar, tells me something! Satan is working very hard to come into our churches. WE HAVE TO STOP HIM and not give him a foothold.

    Here’s my prayer…. for all of us:

    My Gracious Heavenly Father, Jehovah, God of the Universe! Look down tonight and see all of your hurting daughters. Please, my father bring peace and comfort to each of our families and to those who are hurting that have not yet found this website. We know you brought those of us who have found it, here for a reason, and I believe that reason is for Unity. What greater unity is there than that found in the family of God? You father, you are the only one who can touch and heal our broken hearts, our broken spirits, our broken families, and our broken lives.

    Lord, let us pick up the gauntlet, and let us remember that you said, “They that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength, they shall mount up on wings as eagles! They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint!” Teach each of us Lord, to wait!

    In the most precious, loving name of our Savior Jesus Christ, I now ask you to help us, guard us, guide us, and lead us oh Lord.

    Amen!

    I hope this helps all of you, as you have helped me see that I truly am not alone tonight in my depression but that we are all Sisters in Christ and with Christ, all things are possible. We can overcome this and be more than victors. Let your tears of depression turn to tears of joy! Jesus overcame it all!

  32. Trena

    So glad to see there are other ladies out there who understand. I have experienced many things listed here. I think I am just trying to do too much but don’t know how or what to stop. My sweet husband is just lost in how to help me. He feels guilty that I feel so overwhelmed, lonely for friends, and more but I have felt the same calling to the same places he has. Because I don’t really have any girlfriends, I vent to him. He wants to help and fix it all. He worries I am depressed, but I truly just feel I am doing too many things and none of them very well. I would really like to have another pastor’s wife to befriend and talk to regularly. Maybe even get together for play dates with our kids or just coffee. Is there anyone else in Oklahoma interested in joining up with me. I need an encourager and confidant and would like to return the favor.

  33. Trena

    I also want to encourage NINI. I don’t have any special words for you today except that even though I don’t know you, I feel love for you. I pray God sends help to you and your family in the perfect way. May your husband recognize what he needs as well.

  34. Trena

    Isn’t God good. So many of us found this sight by typing something like “Hurting Pastor’s Wife”. This is a little reminder from God that HE hasn’t forgotten us. He gives us just what we need when we need it. Thank you to all the women who shared here. I needed this.

  35. Trena, this is Kim Wenzel, the director of Smoldering Wick Ministries. I will very soon be doing a series of teachings in Tulsa on a regular basis. There will be a small number of couples attending. You said you were in Oklahaoma, but are close enough to Tulsa you could join us?

  36. Sue

    I was hurting, crying, reading in the Word and wishing that there was someone…anyone…that I could trust with what I was feeling. I kept thinking, “Where can a pastor’s wife go, when she is in pain and feeling alone?”

    Yes, you can go to God, but you also need to find a human/humane connection. You might go your husband with many thing; but you can’t go to him, when he IS the source of the pain today?

    That’s how I got to this point. I typed in the words Pastor’s Wife on my keyboard and prayed there would be someone who would listen to my hurt today. Reading the other posts helped me to see that I was not alone. Though our circumstances are not exactly alike, we are ‘sisters’ in our calling to serve beside a pastor.

    I’m not young. I am 65 years old and have only been a Christian for 8 years. 6 years ago, I met and married a man whose dream was to build a church. He had served in other churches and knew the Word very well. He was called ‘Pastor’, but he never was the leader of those churches. He always had to serve under someone else. In 2008, WE answered the call of God to return to our home in a small community in the desert. From our livingroom to a real church building has taken more than 2 years. In the beginning, I wore ‘so many hats’, from Sunday school teacher to secretary and even serving on the Board, because there wasn’t anybody else. Praise God, we now have qualified leaders and teachers in our growing church family.

    My role has become the silent servant, doing the little things that people take for granted (i.e. the calender, weekly bulletins, church journal, telephone ministry and private secretary to the pastor). The once visible pastor’s wife is now seen as ‘the person who is doing nothing’…the house sitter. With only one car and no money for another, I’m at home and alone almost constantly.

    My husband is the pastor in a small community. Everyone knows him and most folks love him like a special friend…even a father. I can’t say openly to anyone that I feel anger toward him. I would be immediately characterized as ‘the bad guy’, if I even suggested that ‘Pastor’ might be wrong in any situation. No matter what I say, it becomes ammunition for the gossips in this small town…in our church.

    It is a rare occasion, when my husband loses his temper; but more and more, he is displaying anger or yelling at me. Today, he exploded. He lost his temper, while we were doing our college studies this afternoon. Both of us were frustrated by one question which we had been researching for a while. I told him that I did feel well, wanted put aside the school work for today. He raged, when I would not continue to read along with him and threw his book at me. He has never shown that kind of violence. Worse yet, he called me names that were cruel and told me that I wasn’t a good wife, because I wasn’t supporting him enough in his ministry. He even said that he would be better off with a different wife. That was his final comment, before he threw his schoolwork at me and stormed out of the house.

    Where did this come from? He was speaking lovingly to me this morning, and he even sent me a loving message online. Now, he isn’t speaking to me at all. He has come and gone from the house twice without a word to me. I feel terribly alone.

    Please pray that this silence will pass and love will return. It hurts to feel unloved by the man I love so much, and I needed to share that with someone besides God. Thank you for hearing my pain. I will keep all of you in my prayers tonight.

  37. Rosalind Bronkhorst

    Where do I begin. I am a Pastors wife in a small town in South Africa.
    My husband was already in full time ministry when we were married 13 years ago. When my eldest son was almost 1 we were transfered within our church organisation to the church and town where we still are. That was 5 years ago. He was not lead pastor but co pastor. We left many cloase, old friends behind.
    2 weeks after we moved my son suffered 3rd degree burns and spent 3 weeks in hospital (recovered nicely thankyou). The following year we had our second son and the year after that our precious daughter was born. (3 kids in 3.5 years).
    For the past 3 years our church has been struggling financially and salleries were sporadic if not non existant. We decided to start a funeral buisiness to supplement oiur income.
    This was a huge undertaking for him and the obsticles we faced were numerous, ranging from lones bieng rejected to licenses bieng rejected.
    This time last year my husband suffered severe Burn out, our church and leaders were very understanding, and graced him wth a 2mth sabaticle even helping out financially where they could.

    In August this year he lost is job as co Pastor due to insufficient finanses for two pastors. He now works at a large company in our town owned by one of our church members. He works with a number of our church memberes.
    I still work at the funeral parlor selling funeral cover for no sallary in the hopes of a better future! I sometimes sit for hours on my oun with nothing to do.
    We are still involved in our church and my husband still does the odd sermon.
    On the whole people have been understanding, but I still feel that we have been ostrasised and that even our leadership does not realy understand the effects of Burnout.They would like to FIX him. The most cmmon thing they say is that he must ‘Just snap out of it’.

    I have stopped talking to any one, even those I should trust with my life I don’t trust any more. ( I know they love us, but don’t understand)
    I have become very lonely.

    Thankyou for this web site. This is the first time I have been able to share my heart with anyone.
    And the first time I have found any one who understands what we are facing.

    May God bless you and your ministry!

    My husband is much better but still has allot of healing to do.

  38. Elaine Boehnlein

    Wow!!!Tears are just streaming down my face as I read post after post!!!My husband & I have been married for 27 yrs. We have 3 daughters. My husband has been the pastor of this small church for 8 yrs. Just this morning I awoke to the alarm going off (my husband goes to church very early). I began to feel “dread”. I used to love going to church. I love to praise the Lord. But, for some reason this morning I feel an overwhelming feeling of being “trapped.” Not a good feeling at all. We live in a small town. The past several years has been one of much grief. I used to be so excited about going to church. I feel as the pastor’s wife, I have NO ONE to talk with. I know that I have the Lord & I am so thankful that He does listen. BUT, sometimes (like right now) I would like to have an actually human being to talk with. I have hurts inside that I know must be released to the Lord!! Probably the biggest one is 2 yrs. ago I discovered my husband’s “dirty little secret” Pornography…After being married for almost 25 yr. & NOT even knowing about this and then finding out….It has been difficult (to say the least) Usually when something like this happens one turns to his/her pastor for help…Well, it is rather difficult when I can’t turn to my pasto (since he is my husband). I forgive him weekly & sometimes daily…I am so ready to move past this…My husband does NOT want to talk about it…He wants to deal with IT, his way…Well, his way is NOT cutting the mustard (so to speak) I feel like I am drowning in  a pleather of toxic emotions!!! I believe that it is the enemy’s goal to destroy people esp. those that have been called to the ministry…I do NOT want to be another statistic…I love serving God…I do NOT ever want to imagine my life without Jesus…I just need a breath of fresh air…It will be so good to not feel so alone…But after reading these posts I see that I am not alone…I may not know you women persoanlly BUT I do feel your pain…And my arms want to reach out & hug you tightly…May sound silly but I mean this with all sincerity…Thank You so much for praying for me….

  39. Justine Bruner

    Dear Elaine, I am so very sorry to read about the pain and heartache you are going through. I will remember you in my prayers, and no matter what happens, be assured that God loves you and is hurting with you. I would also like to offer you some Biblical advice. Jesus said that if someone sins against us we should go to them and tell them what they have done. After that, if the offender will not listen, we are to confide in the church leaders or denomination leaders. I know this is hard to hear and would possibly mean a job termination for your husband as well as the shame and embarrassment that will accompany it, but this is necessary. Your husband,s spiritual health, your marriage, children and the church are all at stake. God’s desire is to forgive, heal and restore him, but this cannot be done while hiding a habitual sin, especially for at least two years as you stated – that is unacceptable. Viewing porn is not like being a little crabby before you have your morning coffee; it is a very serious offense for any christain, and especially a minister. I will pray that God gives you courage, peace and protection. I know this must be such a nightmare. My prayers are with you my sister,

  40. Leslie

    Good Afternoon, I am SO blown away by the many accounts of Pastors’ wives. I am not a Pastor’s wife but I am involved with a Pastor of a fairly large church (over 3,000). We live in different states and it is very difficult at times to be in communication because of his busy schedule. He knows his calling is being a pastor at his church, where he has been for 19 years. He is very successful but alone; once married with 2 children that he raised. I wonder what happened to his ex-wife (she is still alive). I am currently writing a play about the dysfunctions in the church. I am a Christian and very much involved in my church and a playwright on the side. I believe my current piece of work is being ordered by God. It is ironic how my script is about the relationship between the pastor and his wife. The pastor is aloof, adulterous, yet ambitious and charismatic. I would love to hear more from you ladies in terms of helping me develop the “First Lady’s” character. Although it seems I hit the nail on the head about the emotions of the First Lady. I am equally hurt, disappointed and deeply troubled by your stories of loneliness, despair, confusion, mistreatment and pain. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. Your stories have also opened my eyes to see and definitely “THINK” about being with the current person. I know we serve a mighty God and just like you, I love God with all my heart. But I am so doubtful that I could ever do what you ladies have done and experienced. I pray for your strength and a brighter day; God didn’t intend for a husband and wife to be at odds during his work. Something is so wrong with this all of this. I just don’t understand how people who call themselves Christian hurt and maim people. It is SO wrong…if you wish to share more with me, please send me an email to halfamindcreate@yahoo.com. I am so sorry for your pain, yet you have enlightened me to the world of a Pastor’s wife. So many women want what you have for the status; but they have NO clue as to price you ladies are paying for it. A dear friend of mine, married a pastor this past August and she has shared the loneliness and mood swings she’s experienced. I’ve sent her the link to this site for her sanity. My God, my God! I am so sorry for you all, my heart breaks for you; you are in my prayers! God bless!

  41. Crystal

    Dear Elaine,I have read your letter and the response that Justine gave you.  Justine is right but please do this through prayer and great consideration.  I am a pastor’s wife now, divorced from a man that I was married to for 20 years and five children, homeschool mom.  I lived years of a life with a porn addict and alcohol.  I can’t even discuss what occurred during those years on this site, but I think you can understand what I am saying.  My children’s father left me after 20 years of marriage, a complete abandonment.  I am not sharing this because I want to put fear in your heart.  I am sharing so that you know I am with you on this.  After the abandonment, I was alone for over 3 years, no support from the father, a house in his name, bills in  his name, no money and five children.  I had not worked outside of the home and did not feel like the Lord was leading me to do so.  The pastor of the church I was attending did not support me even though some people did help me through checks and house repairs and food.  I attended another church that pulled right on my side and helped pay my mortgage while I got day care certified.  They also worked with welfare for me.The Lord took care of me and the children.  I didn’t even get a call all those years to do daycare which was a big question I had to the Lord but he never provided me with one child.  He took care of all my needs without me having to work.  After three years, I met my new husband and now I have been married six years today.  He is a pastor.  In six years, if I began to share with you the trials:  my dad and my husband’s dad have died, I have had two sons get married, two grandchildren, car totalled by one of my children, mom had two serious surgeries and grieving over dad dying, I attended a fibromyalgia clinic for 1 1/2 years on meds and extremely sick with chronic fatigue, pain, lymes…and my husband was booted out of the church where now we are in a wonderful new little church and no finances, our house is being foreclosed on illegally (never late in a payment), we have no insurances, our van has had over a thousand dollars in repair in one month and we need to take it in again, our children are working part time jobs trying to give us money, the men in our church are not getting paid because they are self employed and my husband and I don’t know where we are going to live.  I am saying all this to say to you that we are in this together aren’t we Elaine!  You can do this.  You can make it!  The Lord may be silent, but he said “He will never leave us nor forsake us”.The reason I say is to pray and contemplate before you go to your husband and see how he reacts (you may already know), before you go to anyone.  I had told many people which was not good and my pastor at the time had the same problems which I did not know about at the time, so when I was sharing with him all my stories, he was going through similar and he is now divorced.  Many men are going through this.  Many are at different levels.  I think what is best is to share with him the wrong doing.  I saw my children’s father’s conscious become completely defiled and depraved and I do believe God does that when someone will not repent and turn to him.  Please write to me if you would likeFaith410@gmail.commy husband and I are counselors also, so we may be a sounding board for you seeing your husband is the pastor of your church.

  42. Crystal

    Dear Rosalind!Hi!  Thank you for serving the Lord in Africa.  Where are you from originally?I am a pastor’s wife and we are going through similar to you even though we are in the US.We are not fighting against flesh and blood but against powers and principalities.  I am in there with you.  We are losing our home also, through an illegal foreclosure here in the USHours and days and weeks and months we have fought this, writing to the Senator and Rep of our state, making calls to whomever will listen, writing to tv stations, newspapers, and yet the battle is on.  We were never late on our mortgage and we applied for a modification in 2009.  Our mortgage was less than apartments and homes here so we have no idea how we will pay a landlord.  Our income is 1/3 of what we were receiving, so we can’t even afford an apartment, severe motor vehicle issues, and we have no insurances of any sorts for health and one of our children is sick.  I sit here, writing to you on my sixth anniversary of my husband and my marriage.  When I married my husband, we thought things were so great with the new church I joined him with.  Many of the women in the church would not accept me because they were still mourning over the death of my husband’s first wife who died of cancer.  He cared for her in the home for over 5 years until she passed away.  My husband abandoned my family of five children after being married for 20 years.  He had a porn problem and alcohol problem.  After I married my new husband and I was in the church for over a year, problems began like you can not imagine.  He was then let go with no explanation and we had no defense.  We left graciously and a couple of months later were asked by brethren to start a new church.  We were thrilled and so greatful that someone loved my husband’s preaching.  We now have this wonderful church and not enough money to live.  Over 60,000 people have read his blog and thousands have listened to his sermons on sermonaudio.com and still no money.  We can’t understand it either, and we have three children living with us.  Two of the kids are working part time and are trying to help.  It is no where to what we need to live in Massachusetts.So, if you would like to be a penpal and write, I would love to write back, we definetely need each other.Faith410@gmail.com

  43. mike

    Elaine.  You and your husband can experience a great relationship but it will require a complety brand new start up for you both. Hes fallen into the trap that snares alot of people who sit at computors with anonimity. I wont downplay it by saying “its a guy thing”…but it is one of the biggest spiritual stumbling blocks for even the most stalward men of God.  It dosent mean hes not in love with YOU and its probably not saying hes not attracted to you. Men are visional stimiulated…. period. The enemy will hold them captive by using the male wiring and lack of discipline. Hes going to need to recognize, repent, restructure and reassure. If he does, help him. If you insist on reminding him of what he did, you are telling him that he is still who he was, enabling him to  “give up”.,and you will now be the one who is ruining the marriage. A man needs (yes yours have been violated) the respect of his wife. Without it, he withers and disconnects. Be his cheerleader and watch him change. I quarentee that your confidence in him will create the change that your criticisim (althogh understandible) never could.

  44. Stephanie

    Mike, are you saying that if this lady shows anger or hurt at what her husband has done that it is her fault if he doesn’t quit? She has a right to be angry, and to tell him so. Yes, she should still love him, but don’t put a burden on her that isn’t hers to bear. It is HIS fault for what he’s done, and it is HIS fault if he doesn’t quit. He will stand before God and give an account for his own sin. His wife shouldn’t have to feel guilty for her hurt and anger.

  45. Carol

    After perusing many websites, this was the first one that began with Scripture. Thank you for that. God’s Word is the answer to our hurts and heartaches. His very breath is in His Word. I am very sad at all I hear you pastors’ wives experiencing; it doesn’t necessarily comfort me that so many of us are going through the same things, although I understand what you mean when you say that. It just makes me so sad that in the Lord’s work, there are so many hurting people. I’ve often wondered in my own life and in my husband’s ministry, “What about the verse that talks about ‘abundant life’?” Well, one of you hit the nail on the head when you said the enemy is active in the church and toward ministers of God far more than he is in the bar down the street. This is very true, and as I understand Scripture, if you’re not meeting with opposition on a regular basis then you must be traveling the wrong direction. The call to follow Christ is a narrow road and a difficult one, going against the flow of the broad way with “many” coming at you from the opposite direction. I pray that God will comfort us who are hurting. My biggest pain is that I am watching my husband “die on the vine.” He’s losing heart; yet feels stuck. He has faced one opposition after another, while simply just trying to preach the Word and be faithful to its truths. Furthermore, he blames me for our being in this particular ministry – I was very discontent with the living situation in our last ministry, so when the opportunity came for us to have a nice house and better income he claims that I wanted it very much, so he came. I’ve never seen myself as materialistic, but I’ve confessed what my husband believes I did, as sin, and I’ve asked him and God both for forgiveness. There is forgiveness, but there are also consequences. We are stuck. Two kids in college. A mortgage on a house that spiraled in value almost immediately, so no selling or refinancing to be had… I just want my happy husband back. And our kids want their father. But to mention something like that to him “only adds to his burden.” He too comes home often and goes into his cave of silence. Occasionally, the real him emerges and enjoys time with family, but seldom. I am grateful to God that He has spared me from the pain of any kind of abuse or my husband’s involvement in things like pornography. I even read the other day of a preacher who killed himself while in jail awaiting bail…this was like his third offense against women in about 10 years…my goodness! I’ll take loneliness over that any day! I pray that you sisters in Christ will find peace, and that you will
    Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful grace;
    and the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
    in the light of His glory and grace.

    I leave you with the words to another song that touched my heart so deeply (“Unredeemed” by Selah):

    The cruelest words – the coldest heart -
    The deepest wound – the endless dark -
    The lonely ache – the burning tears -
    The bitter nights – the wasted years:
    Life breaks and falls apart.
    But we know these are…

    Places where grace is
    Soon to be so amazing
    They may be unfulfilled
    They may be unrestored
    But when anything that’s shattered
    Is laid before the Lord
    Just watch and see – it will not be
    Unredeemed.

    For every choice that led to shame
    For all the love that never came
    For every vow that someone broke
    And every life that gave up hope
    We live in the shadow of the Fall
    But the Cross says these are all…

    Places where grace is
    Soon to be so amazing
    They may be unfulfilled
    They may be unrestored
    But when anything that’s shattered
    Is laid before the Lord
    Just watch and see – it will not be
    Unredeemed.

    He will wipe every tear!
    It will not be unredeemed.

    Places where grace is
    Soon to be so amazing
    They may be unfulfilled
    They may be unrestored
    We you never know the miracles
    The Father has in store!
    Just watch and see, it will not be
    Just watch and see, it will not be
    Unredeemed.

    I pray these words will somehow comfort someone and draw you to the Father’s strong arms!

  46. DEL

    GOD IS SO GOOD, I NEEDED TO FIND A PLACE AND AN EAR AND GOD SENT ME TO THIS WEBSITE.  I AM A PASTOR’S WIFE AUGUST OF 2011 WILL BE 10 YEARS, I AM HURTING SO BAD I HAVE ACTUALLY LEFT THE CHURCH AND DON’T HAVE PLANS TO GO BACK, IT WILL BE UP TO GOD TO CHANGE MY HEART AND MIND AT THIS POINT. I FEEL SO BETRAYED BY THE PEOPLE IN OUR CHURCH, “CHURCH LEADERS” AND THOSE CONNECTED TO THEM THAT HAVE SO MUCH INFLUENCE IN  A NEGATIVE WAY THESE PEOPLE CALL THEMSELVES CHRISTIANS THEY GO ABOUT THE TASK OF RUNNING THE CHURCH THIS WAY AND ME AND MY HUSBAND ARE THE TARGET OF THIS NEGATIVITY, HE SAY I SHOULD LEARN TO FORGIVE AND KEEP PRAYING, I DO FORGIVE AND PRAY BUT WHEN YOU HAVE MESS EVERY SUNDAY DON’T HUG ME BY PUSHING ME AWAY SHAKE MY HAND THIS SUNDAY OR TELLING HIM THEY GET TIRED OF HEARING HIM PREACH NOT SPEAKING TO ME, WALKING OUT WHEN HE STARTS TO PREACH (EVERY SUNDAY). THESE THINGS HAVE TAKEN A TOLL ON MY HEALTH FIRST I WAS PUT ON PROZAC, THEN I WAS TOLD I HAVE PTSS(POST TRAMATIC STRESS SYNDROME) I’M ON ANTI DEPRESSION MEDS BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS MY DOCTOR WHO IS A CHRISTIAN TOLD ME I NEEDED TO MAKE A DECISION FOR MY HEALTH SAKE, I’VE BEEN GONE FOR A MONTH AND I STILL CRY I PRAY THAT THE LORD WILL HEAL MY HEART AND MIND BUT RIGHT NOW I AM JUST RESTING KNOWING THAT THE LORD WILL HEAL ME. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME SISTERS!

  47. Elizabeth

    I’m a pastor’s wife of more than 30 years. I am so done with this–when my husband finally “retires” from ministry, (which he cannot afford to do til he is nearly 70 because of the low pay for so many decades)I think I may never set foot in a church again. Thank you for this site.

  48. Celia

    It was great to find this website.  My husband was just forced to resign about 3 months ago and pretend that it was his idea.  We were there over 20 years.  We had to move to a different state, so at least we could be close to some of our family for support.  Please pray that I will know how to encourage my husband and get angry with him

  49. shelly

    I so understand all of these comments.  I often feel that if I didn’t have children at home I would end it all.  Church people are cruel and unappreciative.  We have been hurt, maligned and set up for failure by people on a level that is unimaginable.  We will lose our home soon because of the lying and general dishonesty of the people we came to “serve with”.  I have moved way past anger and now am just so sad and exhausted all the time.  I don’t know what to do.  My husband has been looking for other work but so far no luck.  I sometimes feel like God has pleasure in watching the misery.  I know that isn’t the “right” thing to say but I feel we will never get out of this and have been destined to be miserable. Our marriage is more like a roommate situation due to the never ending stress and strain of the ministry.  I really feel there is no way out. 

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